Declaration of Dependence

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."
           - familiar words from the Declaration of Independence...

The words "pursuit of happiness" have always stuck with me. I haven't been dealt many easy hands in life. It reminds me of the movie with Will Smith. Usually if I want something from the world, I need to go after it with all I have. I wasn't fortunate enough (no pun intended, but alas...) to have my family put me through school financially. I had to work and get really good grades, and thankfully God helped me by giving me a lot of scholarships and grants, and giving me enough strength to study so hard. Point is... it was so hard. It felt like a hot pursuit.

I feel like I should pursue all the things that I want. That's wrong. Not all that I want is right in timing. And I have to have more trust in God to provide, instead of taking matters into my own hands.
Plus, if I pursued a significant other, I'd be robbing their blessing to pursue me. I don't want to skip steps, or marry a coward. I want him to be BOLD!

"When I called, You answered me; You made me bold and stouthearted." ~ Psalm 138:3

This boldness comes from prayer and direction from God.
 I'm going to submit to God my desire to pursue, and declare my dependence.
Right now I'm unsure about my heart's status, although even my closest friends have told me I've progressed, that I'm doing better. But I honestly haven't gotten the green lights from God yet on caring for anybody with more than friendship.
"When one door closes, one more opens" but right now all my doors are slammed shut in my face.
I realize I'm not ready yet. Maybe in a few months. God knows. Yet it didn't stop my heart from skipping and feeling vulnerable. I'm in deep prayer for God to guard my heart and seal it for him. I have a major fear that I will always be seen as a divorced person, and that I will be shunned somehow. Or that divorce will be like a little dark cloud that follows me everywhere and makes me less fitting of a person to pursue. It feels like it doesn't matter what happened to me, how wronged I was, how strong I tried to be, how much pain I went through. That still, even looking back and having it be over, that it's still hindering me by scaring away people. God is still healing me, and I'm overcoming these fears. He's preparing my heart for the right time.

There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in His time.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11a

I have faith that happiness will boldly pursue me, scars and all.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still"
Exodus 14:14