Thursday, May 19, 2011

Women's Dress Code for a Country Concert

Dear Women of America,
I've recently experienced my very first major country concert: Kenny. Nothing could be more exciting than finally seeing the new Dallas Cowboys stadium and a great lineup of country artists. I was fortunate enough to know what to wear, but I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to share with you the

Official Women's Dress Code for a Country Concert
I now consider myself an expert. My data was extensive. And I mean EXTENSIVE!
Let's go from head to toe, do si do.

Hair

1) GO BIG OR GO HOME


No in-between is going to cut it here. Either massively volumous (curls or poofs) OR dead straight (poof optional)  If you can find something with rhinestones to put in your hair, that's bonus.








2) Wear your hair DOWN!

No pony tails, this ain't a trip to the grocery store, ma! Put some effort into it.


 Stay away from braids and pigtails, unless you're 15 and under.  It's too close to a stereotype! Modern country women don't walk around in pigtails! Hats are for men. You're supposed to look like country barbie, for Pete's sake!




You can wear your camo hat when you're doing the things the songs are about, but do NOT wear it to a concert. All the other ladies are gonna do their hair, just sayin.

refer to Country Strong for further hair references










                                                                       
    
Face
put on some Carrie U. makeup, yall!
Wear makeup.  Seriously. WEAR MAKEUP. If you have a painful sunburn, don't bother. Just put on some mascara and look hardcore. Yeah, you outdoorswoman you! Wear it proud! But still, no hats. Make sure if you do have a sunburn, you overcompensate with amazing hair or........







 Neck

...CHUNKY JEWELRY, BABY!

Oh yeah, weigh that junk, if it ain't pulling you down, you don't have enough rocks in it!

Try vibrant colored rocks, like turquoise and coral! They ALWAYS MATCH.


BONUS!!




Also, you get amazing bonus points if you get a GIANT rhinestone cross hanging on your rock necklace. It's the country woman's bling bling, and it's not optional.







Torso
Here's a list of outfits that would make you look legit country. No woman wants to look white trash, but you may be wanting to show off a little bit... Here's how to go about it.

  • The simplest way is to go with a dress. Find a cute, loose fitting dress. No short/tight stuff, this ain't the clubs!! A belt in the middle is a great idea. Strapless dresses are all the rage. Flowery, antique fabrics, think "would Taylor Swift wear this dress?" and if the answer is yes, that is a sure-fire way to know your dress will impress. Oh yes. Stress. Mess. Caress. Sorry, I just wanted to keep rhyming.
  • Compromise!! If you're going with a 2 piece ensemble, do NOT go with all tight/short or long/loose. You're gonna want to find a happy medium. If you're gonna wear daisy dukes, make sure your top is flowy and NOT A WIFE BEATER. I can't say it enough. NO DAISY DUKES w/ WIFE BEATERS. If you're gonna go with a flowy skirt, go ahead and find a tighter or strappy top.
  • Be oh so wary of button downs shirts.
  • Do NOT overdo plaid. Don't wear plaid flannel, that's for pajamas. It may be comfortable, but this isn't a guide to dressing comfortably. Respect the Code. What would Carrie do?
  • Frills are cool, ribbons are neat, paisley print is tuh-tuh-tuh-totally in.
  • Camo... be classy about camo. Think camo-chic.
  • NO PANTS. Get it through your head. Pants have no place on a woman at a Country concert. If you got jiggly legs, get you a long dress. If you have good legs, congratulations, you should wear shorts. Pants are for men. Yes, primitive. Don't argue.
  • Bermuda shorts are okay, but MOM, please wear them with RHINESTONE FLIP FLOPS and NOT BOOTS. Boots and bermuda shorts DO NOT MATCH.
  • This is the opportunity to wear your jean jacket and look super hipster. Dig it out of your closet if the weather requires it.
  • On that note, if it is acid wash..... still okay!!! Yes, acid wash is cool. Acid wash daisy dukes are double cool. Go crazy!

Arms

bangels bangels bangels! CHUNKY JEWELRY! CHARMS!










 

                                                                                   

Legs
Show'em off, they better be some tan legs, hunny child. Orange you glad?! If you're pale white it works too, more Taylor Swift points!


Shoes
This isn't the time to show off how hipster you are with your little flats. Save those for the mall. If you wanna get down to it, you have 2 choices.
BOOTS or RHINESTONE FLIP FLOPS.
None of the tennis shoes/strappy heels junk. This ain't a club, it's a country concert.
Simple is best here. And by simple I mean lots and lots of rhinestones.

Accessories
You're good if
  • -it's heavy
  • -it's shiny
  • -it's got charms on it
  • -it's a color you find in a coral reef
  • -it's a coral reef
  • -it's got a giant cross
  • -it's got a giant coral cross
  • -it's got a rhinestone cross on it
  • -it screams "I'm country strong, hard to break, like the ground I grew up on, you may fool me and I'll fall, but I won't stay down long, cause I'm country stroooooong." Amen.
There it is. I've done my best. Now when you go see amazing live country music, you will dazzle and fit right on in. Yeehaw :)

6 Comments:

becksterslaboratory said...

Hahaha, love this : )

-Becky

Alice Kelly said...

Thanks for taking the time to discuss this,I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic.
Country & western clothing

Victoria Graham said...

Very nice I got a country one I'm going to tonight cant wait either

One Day said...

Thank YOU! My boots are ready and so are my tan legs for the Kenny Chesney concert, just 8 more days!!

Mickey D said...

I'm black so I think I'm tan enough haha! :P get to see Lady Antebellum february 16!!!!!! :)

Gigi Nelson said...

Any ideas on where to shop for a cute dress?

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