Useful/useless stuff

Heeeey.
I have 2 days left this year and I am in a rambly, "feeling like a total weirdo" mood.
So here's a completely unrelated blog, to avoid talking about out-of-season things.

Here are the things I wish I had taken with me to Brazil:

-- a real phone charger
-- SPOTIFY.... It may be worth paying for... sigh
-- my moomoo... or comfy jammies
-- a dress... like any dress
-- my e-reader
-- extra contacts, just in case
-- my little tiny mp3 player/radio clip thing to take with when running
-- anti-itch cream/spray/ANYTHING...
(((sidenote: I am getting eaten alive. These mosquitoes like repellent. And my blood.)))


Here are the things I haven't really used in Brazil:
-- jeans.... wore them like ONCE
-- socks....
-- tennis shoes (I wear my vibrams to run!)
-- high heels... wore twice
-- hair straightener/dryer...


Here are the things I appreciate the most in Brazil:
-- my Bible. my underlined, beat-up Bible. 
-- MY SANDALS (ahhhhh!!! comfy, match everything I do)
-- camera... and its spare battery!
-- my phone, used as a camera and video.
-- my plastic bag of toiletries. Yes, one big ziploc. SO ghetto, yet SO awesome.
-- t-shirts and shorts
-- having a real towel... I think I'm gonna opt with real towel on the WR
-- the diva cup. girls...seriously.... seriously get one!
-- bug spray, although it's not doing too much good
-- this laptop and its many cords and chargers
-- a great pair of headphones!


Aside from the obvious, amazing time with my family, and the gorgeous, "am I dreaming this up?" scenery, I do miss Texas. I miss order. I miss having control. But this is great surrendering. I get online once a day now, and not for long. On the race, I don't think I'll get that luxury. Today, I experienced one of the scariest car rides ever. We were going up a freaking MOUNTAIN with a stick-shift, low-riding Ford. There were rocks, giant mud puddles, and the steepest hills. It sounded like the bottom of the car was going to burst open when we hit rocks. I prayed SO hard for Jesus to lift the car, and keep it safe. I literally had my hands on both the driver seat and the passenger seat, head bowed, eyes-closed praying. My grandma was freaked out too. Good news: we survived haha car is okay. Thank You, faithful God! I'll post the pics soon, but right now I need to rest.

Love yall :)

My take on Ruth

I thought being called “sister” and “friend” was bad!

Imagine being a single or widowed (or divorced in my case) and having your contender call you “my daughter.”

Oh no you didn’t!

I gotta say, there’s something fishy about how it all went down. You see for yourself, so here's my take:

Naomi had a husband, two sons, and two daughters-in-law (Ruth and Orpah). All the men died. She was left with Ruth and Orpah, and Orpah went back to her land. And then there were two: Naomi and Ruth. Naomi tried to tell Ruth to go back to her land, but Ruth refused and said some strong words along the lines of "I will die where you die, and may the Lord deal with me severely if anything but death separates you and me." (and my editor's brain thought "it's 'you and I,' Ruth!")
So to Bethlehem they went, and it was harvest-time.

Upon arrival, Naomi tried unsuccessfully to change her name to "Mara" which means bitter. Everybody still called her Naomi.

Ruth started going to Boaz’s fields and gathering whatever the harvesters left behind. The Boaz arrived and said “hey you can hang out with my servant girls… I told all the men they couldn’t rape you… if you get thirsty, you can get a drink from the water jars, over there.” Ruth bowed down, all grateful, and asked him why he was being so nice. He said he heard that she was taking care of her mother-in-law, and said all kinds of nice blessings over her and invited her to have dinner with the harvesters. Then he told the harvesters to leave some stalks behind so she gets more food. She wound up with 22 liters of barley, and managed to carry it home to Naomi. How did she carry this home? Beast mode!

Then Naomi said “Oh yeah, I know Boaz, we’re kinda related!”

Now the story gets a little PG13. Naomi told Ruth to bring sexy back, get all hotsy, and go to the barley threshing floor, where Boaz was gonna be. She was wearing her finest clothes, and she put on all her sexy Victoria’s Secret lotions. I was smiling, picturing Ruth in total prom garb. I bet her sleeves were real big.

I like your sleeves...

So she made her way to this grainy place, watched as he ate, knocked back a few, and went to sleep. Then she uncovered his feet? (not sure what this signifies… will google it later… it’s probably dirty… nevermind, I don’t wanna know!) Then Ruth laid down by his feet.

Boaz woke up in the middle of the night, because something startled him. I think either a) Ruth was snoring or b) Ruth threw something to make a huge noise. I would have thrown a chicken or something.

I noticed that it didn’t say he had to wake her up. He just woke up and found a woman lying at his feet. Like heeeey.

This is a recipe for disaster!

 I know it would not have gone well had Boaz not been calling her “my daughter” and been a strong man of God.

Ruth must have looked so good that she looked NOTHING like her usual self. Dang girl.

 “WHO ARE YOU???” – Boaz

What was she supposed to say? “oh hey there, I just happen to look super fancy tonight, to come here to this threshing floor of barley. Oh and I smell awesome! And here you are, all sleepy and tipsy, and I’m laying at your feet. What are the odds!”

But instead, Ruth (so smooth) said “I’m Ruth. I just so happen to be totally available and you can marry me.” Very subtle. Way to go, Ruth.

Then he calls her “my daughter” AGAIN and says “I noticed you’re not a man-chaser or a gold-digging hoochie mama. I’m gonna tell all the guys you’re super classy. Hang out here for a while, and I know a guy who is next in line to marry you. If he doesn’t put a ring on it, then I’ll put a ring on it. And here’s some barley!”

That is so weird. I’m laughing at her “walk of shame” back home, holding a ton of barley.

Naomi must have been pacing all night, in walks disheveled, slept-on-the-floor-in-my-prom-dress Ruth. Naomi’s all “sooooooo???” and she’s like “well here’s some barley, ma, and um” *wipes her runny mascara* “he’s gonna talk to another guy first, and if that guy doesn’t want me, then I’ll be Mrs. Boaz.”

Comforting.

On to Chapter 4, (oh and thanks, Bible, for total spoiler title of Chapter 4 “Boaz Marries Ruth”. I mean, I already knew the ending, but what if I didn’t?!) I thought Boaz was being sneaky talking about the land first, then bringing up the widow later. But the kinsman was like “Sure I’ll take the land!” and Boaz said “Oh yeah, btw you get a lady with it!” and kinsman goes “Oh a lady? Heck no, deal is off!”

That’s definitely not how I thought the exchange was gonna go. Makes ya wonder somethin’ somethin’. Not gonna say it… okay, I’ll say it: maybe he wasn’t into ladies? Or he was super greedy. Maybe he just never saw Ruth in her prom dress.

Then Boaz and the possibly gay, greedy kinsman exchanged sandals, as it was customary to do when transferring property and such. (Why don’t we do that anymore? That’s a nifty tradition.) I wonder if it’s just one sandal? And they go mix-matched? It’s in the singular, so I’m envisioning a one-sandal swap here. Anyway, then Boaz declared “I’m buying that land! Ruth, Mahlon’s widow, is totes my wife now, ya heard?!” And the elders go “We are witnesses!  Hope y’all make a whole bunch of babies, like 12 of them, like Leah and Rachel!”

Then Boaz and Ruth got married, and had a baby named Obed, and Naomi helped to raise him. And they all said 1 Ruth > 7 sons. Ruth rocks!

Here’s what I gleaned from the book of Ruth

(hahahahaha get it? Gleaned? Ohhhhhh my gosh. Hahahaha)

She was a humble, devoted woman. She loved Naomi and did not abandon her, so she was loyal to her family. She was brave, and probably a powerlifter. She worked hard. She provided for Naomi. She knew how to go from glean to glam, from harvest to hottie, from barley-threshing to breath-taking!  She was obedient to Naomi, even when the instructions were a bit racy. She had to be patient, to deal with Boaz calling her “my daughter” and not snapped and been like “look here, you need to knock that off.” She was confident. She was faithful.

Ruth is a great example to me and my heart right now. I feel like I’m going to the harvest right now, about to launch into this mission trip. 

I know God will bring me my Boaz. How do I know? He gave one of my dearest friends a word that He would. : ] and in that same word, He told me to read Ruth and find my Naomi. He told me to rest. 

I’m working on in, Daddy. Thank You for that word.

Retreat

I think of Spartans when I see the word retreat. 




But the retreat I'm doing is not the cowardice definition.

I have approximately 90 minutes to eat, shower, and pack a small bag for 5 days for a mini family retreat (wow we never take those, so this is really just a treat haha). We are going to some ridiculously beautiful places for a New Year's vacation.

Iguaba

Buzios

Cabo Frio

I'll be back in 2012

I'm not sure if I'll have a chance to upload any blogs during this retreat, or be on my computer much, but you better believe these wheels will keep on turnin'. Either way, there will be much more coming soon.

I figured it's only fair to go over my New Year's resolutions from my veeeery first blog entry here, almost a year ago, "2011... This better be good" haha

1. 1. Serve others through cooking, especially my church family. More than likely requiring my mastery of OAMC and acquiring a stand-alone freezer.I had originally joined the Mercy Team at my old church, and I was actually a Mercy Team Captain, organizing meal provision for families in my church who had births, surgeries, or deaths in the family. Then I felt God's direction to switch churches (um best thing I ever did all year I think, no offense TBC, but The Vista was exactly what my heart needed).  Never  got the freezer, because I ended up selling all my stuff! Good call, right?
2. 
   
3. 2. To save money and go visit my family in Brazil!!! How I miss them!! QUE SAUDADE!!
   Here I am, in Brazil! That worked out well :)
   
   
   
4. 3. To put in some major running mileage on my Vibram Bikilas this year. Like 500+ miles for this year at least. Knees don't fail me now!!Not sure on my exact mileage because I stopped keeping track about halfway through the year, but as of June I was a little ahead of my goal, nearing 300 miles. I ran 2 marathons this year, and one half-marathon :) And I got 2nd place at a 10k in March, which was SO neat and unexpected. I had never gotten a medal (after track and crosscountry in high school) for any of my running events, other than a completion medal. And that day was awesome because I got to share love and encourage a volunteer lady that was getting treated like crap by the other runners. I wrote about it here. Oh and I had NO knee problems in 2011, thank You Lord!
   
   
   
5. 4. To continue reading the Bible daily, humbly striving for growth and listening for His guidance.
   I did this :) I read daily. I really did this. And I can't be happier :) I've read most of the Bible this year. Some OT books I kindly skipped over, or skimmed, but I'm gonna tackle them in 2012. I'm currently reading a chapter of Job a day, til launch, and I am reading Ruth, because my heart needs it.
6. 
   
7. 
   
8. 5. To KISS DATING GOODBYE and trust in God's timing.
   Oops. I had one boyfriend.  Didn't workout for a variety of reasons. So I kind of messed up #5, eh? I'll do better in 2012.
   
   
   
9. 6. To not procrastinate my Christmas preparations like I did in 2010!!!! 
10.  I spent my Christmas in Brazil, so I didn't do my annual "fudgeathon" like the usual. Sorry kids! No fudge or divinity, or the crazy awesome baked goodies this year. I didn't really send out cards either. Family took precedence this year, and the people nearest and dearest to me know that they are nearest and dearest ALL YEAR and don't need a reassuring tin can to come in the mail, right? Thank you guys. I love yall.
    
11. 
    
12. 7. To get my smile straightened out with invisalign!
13.  I did this!!!!! WOOHOO!!! Straight teeth. It hurt, in more ways than one. It was an insecurity I'd had for oh my whole life, and my family never could afford it. Big change. I don't regret it. I hate to say it was worth it, because it was expensive. Would I do it again? Ahhh no. I wouldn't. But now that it's done, I appreciate it... a lot.
    
    
14. 8. To write encouraging notes and cards throughout the year. As it turns out, most people have this in common with me: we love encouraging hand-written notes and cards "just because"!!!
15.  I did this :) I mailed out some, and really poured out encouragement via cards. Another thing I do for people now, because I know what it feels like, is comment. I leave comments. I don't just read their blogs anymore. I'm subscribed to my team, and a few extra, and every single time they write, you can bet you'll see a little comment from me at the bottom, no matter how simple. It's a simple way of showing love and support. It's the least I can do, and I know it means a whole lot. I care.
    
    
16. 9. To not be a stumbling block to anyone. 
17.  Ding ding ding. I think I did this well. I dodged a lot of bullets this year.  I praise God for the awareness He's given me, and all the times He's broken my pride. 
    
    
18. 10. To look for ways to help others and use my time to serve Jesus. Yes, to go out of my way when an opportunity arises. 
19. I think this one is a winner. I am leaving everything I know. I'm doing on a mission trip of a lifetime for 11 months, to 11 countries. You could say this is going "out of my way" :) Thank You Lord for providing a beautiful #10 for me.

 Okay kids, that's all I got. That should hold you over for a few days, eh? :)
 
I wish you JOY in 2012. Unwavering, unconditional, down-in-your-soul JOY. Because joy is deeply-rooted in Christ, and happiness is a conditional blessing.

HAVE A JOYOUS NEW YEAR :)

These are a few of my favorite things...

Brown paper packages tied up with strings? Nah...

These are a few of my favorite things...

go ahead and hit play, and read'em :)



Needtobreathe on a mellow day


Worship in a foreign language


When I can't escape the rain, that moment I just accept I'm getting soaked and start playing


Deep, roaring, belly-aching laughter


Hearing love stories, hope stories, healing, miracles


Evenings when I stay up because my human brain and heart can barely take in God's goodness and love for me


Times I think about my grandfather, cherish the memory of him, and the earth-shaking joy of seeing him again in heaven floods me


Thanksgiving food


Cake


Oh since I'm on food, beans and rice, baby!


Screaming at the tv when the team scores


When a new song starts and it's that song and everybody points at each other


My God's not dead, He's surely alive, and He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!


When art captivates me


The colors of the sky


Laying on a blanket to watch the clouds on a windy day


Hammock and the stars


Dancing to silly songs


Scream-singing in the car... or anywhere when I'm feeling goofy


The shoulder-shimmy


When my friends ask me to make puns for them, and use my puns as album titles and cd titles


Remembering I will see God with my own eyes (Job 19:25-27)


Cooking for others


Unexpected, instantaneous, good surprises


Being told the Holy Spirit is visible inside me


Cold showers


Worship songs with any variation of the word "rise"


When my feet get dirty, and I wash them, and without fail, every single time, I think of Jesus and His humility


Run-on sentences, because I write how I speak


Knowing, even on a pretty bad day, that my Daddy in Heaven thinks I'm absolutely lovely


Hearing again and again the story about how I once drank shampoo when I was 3, and when I spoke bubbles would come out


Hugging my grandma


Awkwardness, especially if I can capture it in a picture


Coconut water


Homemade things


Laughing uncontrollably at my own jokes


Reading


Hearts busted open, poured out, surrendered


When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.- Luke 13:12-13


How the Word of God always hits me, and I love it, and I crave it


When Daddy gives me a new family called Team Tharros, and we automatically love and take care of each other


The wind on my face when I run


Affection


Remembering my Spongebob phase in high school... everything was Spongebob...


Holding a sleeping baby


Airports, airplanes, and airplane food


Tweeting absolute silliness, even though I know Pastor Dave follows me


Blind trust in my Daddy


Listening to testimonies


Walking into an elevator and smelling A&F Fierce ahhh


Freedom


Writing from my heart


Knowing he's waiting for me with the same anticipation for God's timing


Playing Guitar Hero/Rock Band drums


Kids, kids, kids, kids, kids


Sitting on the beach, watching the waves break

Knowing my church loves me this much


Bathroom humor


Taking pictures


You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my JOY!


My beautiful friends, who will undoubtedly keep up with me while I'm around the world


Having my old friends say "I know you've changed and that person isn't you anymore".... Thank You Lord


Listening to my various family members snore :)


Songs on repeat


Getting to meet El Salvadoreans and share the gospel of Christ in less than a month


Knowing these little things are blessings from the Lord and these listed are just a small glimpse of the thanksgiving in my heart and the way He has wired me. Thank You Daddy.

I Grew Today

I grew today.
Not in height or girth (girth is a funny word to me) but in faith.
I grew in trust.
I died a little more, and it wasn't any fun.
I felt like a weirdo, and uncomfortable. Extreme. Rash. Silly, even.
Yet, I'd do it again without hesitation. Do I hope I don't have to? Yes!
But if it comes up again, I will be a weirdo again.

I'm a 24-year-old single woman. I am getting to see and talk to many people from my childhood, and several of which are my friends from elementary school. A few of us hung out and had dinner as a group.
Then what innocently started as a continuation of keeping in touch became the making of plans to hang out again with one of said friends.

Dun dun dun: alone.

Oh boy.

This should have struck my uh oh radar right off the bat, but it didn't.
Yes, I'm that silly of a dodo, that I didn't see any issue with this until I gave it thought.
Honestly, I hadn't even given it thought! Two friends hanging out, no big deal.

Then the questions started popping up from my family:
"Who is that?" "What does he do?" "Oh? He asked you out?" "Where are you guys going?" "Do you like him?"

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding goes my uh oh radar


No! We are friends, from school! 

Here arises the age-old debate "can a man and a woman be just friends in such a setting?"


Nope.

Call me a weirdo, an extremist, a silly person, but I say nay. I no longer hang out one-on-one with opposite sex friends. No siree bob. No can do. Not even if they knew me when my bangs were ridiculous.

So I wrote a lame "sorry to flake on you, but it's not a good idea for me to hang out outside of a group setting, you're more than invited when an event arises in a group setting" note and I'm feeling really old-fashioned and odd.

Who would have thought I could do this?
Walk away from a date setting, to honor my single season?

Thank You Daddy, for giving me strength and room to grow.

It's okay that I feel silly and extreme, for Your glory.

I trust You blindly with my heart.

I trust Your timing, Your plans, and Your calling for me.

I love You more than words can say.

Breathing Room

Spending time with my family 24/7 has been a wonderful, interesting test of my character.

After being in different hemispheres for years and living alone, there are certain things I took for granted. Topping the list: breathing room.

My little brothers keep a one foot radius from me. Even as I sit here typing, Joao's foot is dangerously close to my face. Do I love it? Yes! (My 7-year-old brother has cute little feet.) Does it push me straight out of my comfort zone? Yes and no. I have no problem with people in my personal space bubble.... but to stay in my space bubble for days? It feels a little foreign, pun intended.

I thrive in awkward situations. I find humor in the weirdness. I take pictures so I can laugh about it again later. And I do, heartily.

my grandpa's life-size Baby Jesus, on the side table

 I am getting Spartan training for the mission trip. I have to fight for time in the Word, because we're always going somewhere. I read my chapter (more like 4) of Job last night with a flashlight after everyone was asleep, to the sounds of Arthur's gentle, snorting-snoring. My vacation has been a walk on the beach. There's been a ton of beach-walking, beach-running, and beach-sitting. Yet people forget the beach has winged ants and beetles, and you get sand in your eyes and well... you get sand everywhere. Then you have the seagulls to worry about. I am traumatized, because a seagull pooped on my NOSE a few years ago. Despite all this, the good always outweighs the bad. The beauty never goes unappreciated. I still love the beach, and find peace in the sound of breaking waves.

Camboinhas Beach

Goodbye setting conducive to reading or learning.
Goodbye sand-less eyes and clean feet.
Goodbye tweeting when I feel like it.
Goodbye time in the bathroom.
Goodbye breathing room.

Hello family.
Hello freedom.
Hello giant bugs to slay.
Hello edifying preparation.
Hello ever-increasing surrender of my expectations.

My Hemisfears

Today I'm taking the time to be thankful and to pray away the fears I have.I'm sitting in tropical paradise, but indoors. I have the A/C on and a blanket. I have my headphones on. If I close my eyes, I could literally pretend I'm right back in my room in Texas. And yeah, I've been doing that... often.
The culture shock is overwhelming sometimes. Road names I should remember, and words I shouldn't have forgotten, the hand gestures I haven't seen in use, and the people are always always on the go. My goodness. There is no chill day around here. 
So today was a lot like being back home (aside from eating 3 guavas). 
I chilled, watched a movie, caught up on my one show, read, and just rested. I got to stop and think.
I'd be putting God's will for me in a tiny little box if I said "I will do this" or "I will do that" or "I will come back and live here" or "I will come back and live there"..... because the awesome thing about God.... He can put me anywhere, really! I can learn a brand new language. I can learn to drive a stick shift. I can learn to haggle for bananas (and I don't even like bananas). I can. And I will. When I know what it is that He needs me to do. 
As it is, I have no idea. I have all these feelings and hunches and notions that I am praying about so fiercely. 

Guide me, Lord! Reveal Your thoughts to me, God! Here I am! At Your feet, Your servant. Wherever You need me. I have few belongings. I have a big heart. Most of all, I have freedom. But Daddy, I am Yours. I hand over my plans, I don't want them. They terrify me. Anything against Your perfect will terrifies me. I am scared to fall on my face yet again. Just please guide me, Lord. 
I know for 11 months exactly where I need to be. 
I'll be a 25 year old. This culture here solely revolves around family.
Daddy You know my heart.
You know where I need to be a year from now. 
Please don't let me get lost. Please don't let me get hurt. Please don't let me wind up on the wrong hemisphere, out of fear. Loud and clear, Daddy.
I love You so much. 


Friends & family, please keep me in your prayers as God places people in my life for my good and reveals to me where He needs me to be.

Mock on: Job's Banter

Aside from the endless suffering and loss and pain in Job, I gotta admit the man is pretty quick-witted. He has some really fancy banter with his friends.

"my brothers are as undependable as intermittent streams" - 6:15... ouch


He even did the whole "look at my face, am I lying to you?" on 6:28-30


He told his wife she was talking like a foolish woman in Chapter 2. Granted she was.


He asked God this: "Am I the sea, or the monster of the deep, that you put me under guard?" 7:12 whoa Job, that's a valid point, you are not the Loch Ness monster.


"How long will you say such things?" 8:2 - OT for "you are rambling"


"Your words are a blustering wind." 8:2 -Bildad really told him.


"Can papyrus grow tall where there is no marsh? Can reeds thrive without water?" 8:11 .. no, no, of course not.


Example of something unreliable: a spider web. You can't lean on it, it will give way. Genius. 8:14-15


"But a witless man can no more become wise than a wild donkey's colt can be born a man." 11:12... I'm gonna take your word for that one, Zophar. Good analogy.


"But I have a mind as well as you; I am not inferior to you. Who does not know all these things?" 12:3... Job says "thank you, captain obvious."


Job calls his friends "worthless physicians" 13:4.... that's offensive. I mean, going through all that schooling and being worthless. I'd be way offended.


"if only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom." 13:5 those are fighting words, Job.


You listen to me, and you listen good - 13:17


Eliphaz said "would a wise man answer with empty notions or fill his belly with the hot east wind?" 15:2..... okay, I'm lost. I'm gonna have to google that one.


"When will you end these speeches? Be sensible, and then we can talk." - Bildad, Ch 18


And Job coined the phrase "mock on" in Ch. 21


Seriously, this has been such a humbling book to re-read. Sure, it makes me scratch my head and think "hmm what??!!" but in the grand scheme of things, I feel Job's human emotions, his pain, yet he still praises God and His power.


One of my very favorite passages in the Bible is Job 19:25-27

I know that my Redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him with my own eyes--I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!

After all that loss, Job's heart yearns to see the living God.
I can only hope to be that faithful of a servant.

Job... ouch

Job... reading Job. And it makes me speechless.
It's like a punch in the gut.
Humility.

God is not punishing Job. He's not deserving of this punishment, the pain, the loss.
He's righteous. But at no point does Job back down. He knows God is big. God is good. God is all powerful. The whole time Job listens to his friends going on and on about how God wouldn't do this to a blameless man. Jerks. Intermittent streams, he calls them. "Now you too have proved to be of no help; you see something dreadful and are afraid." Job 6:21

"Blessed is the man  whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty" Job 5:17
.... the problem with this verse, is that Eliphaz, the "friend" who said it, did not mean it very kindly.
All the while, God is thinking "CONSIDER MY SERVANT JOB!! THERE IS NO ONE ON EARTH LIKE HIM!!! HE IS BLAMELESS AND UPRIGHT!!!" This was no correction. This was no discipline. It was just simply a test. A test of Job's integrity and trust in the Almighty.
Can we make sense of this? Bad things happening, not to punish, no one to blame, God in control.

Satan roaming the earth?

Am I no help when I see something dreadful? Yeah.... guilty. I've been the friend flailing around going "ummmm I'm not sure!" when I've received hard news. I don't know how to deal with certain things, and I am of no help. I don't understand things sometimes.

"For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal." Job 5:18

I pray for healing hands. Wise words. I pray I can be a devoted friend, and not see things the way Eliphaz did. God's ways are so much higher.

"Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was." Job 2:13

Sometimes it's best to just sit on the ground and not say anything.

you're going to have a great day

I'm coming to terms with the fact that the Lord sometimes tells me things. Not in an audible voice, but enough for me to go "really Daddy?!" and either do what He says or just be able to react to it. He's told me to sell things, to change routes on the road, He's told me to write checks, to stay, to go, and well...

...this morning, He woke me up. I kid you not, because I would have slept through every alarm :) I stayed up til nearly 2 am talking to Beka on Skype because sometimes good conversation cannot and should not be interrupted.

Anyway... He woke me up and told me I was going to have a great day.

hahaha ooookay. 

It was enough for sleepy me to pop out of bed like ready toast and rise to meet my day.

Daddy wasn't messing around :) 

1) I got to worship in the car, and everything was funny. Holy Spirit much?

2) I get to work, and it's a good day. Boss is happy. I walked into a good day.

3) I get a few patients, knocked out quality control quickly, and got 3 patients who were sweet and talkative, and super excited about my mission trip :)

4) As I prepared to go to lunch, I see my phone all lit up like a Christmas tree. My friends showing me love from 6 different states :) gotta love the World Race family.

5) Then a coworker bursts into the lab breathlessly, "there's cake in the break room!"
hahaha shut up. No way. Free cake. I love this.

So I head to the break room and find a table that resembled the scene with the monster in Pan's Labyrinth... minus the monster.

Not only cake (delicious, multi-layer chocolate cake) but also cheesecake, brownies, cookies, chips & salsa.. The works. Really, Daddy?

6) Then I get back on the computer and I made the WR daily :) This rocks. What else could You possibly have for me?!

7) Oh, He wasn't done. I've been praying about something. Something good. Something I don't exactly understand or have the ability to explain. All I will say is that there was something in the air, something I saw a tiny glimpse of and it's been gone since. Something. And that something popped up a little bit today and I about fell off my rolly chair. "No way?! Hmm. Daddy is this part of my great day? Is this something I should even be excited about? Check me! Ahhhh!" :)

So, I proceeded to giggle the remainder of the afternoon. And then I asked the Lord to put me in check, and to protect me, and to let me focus. (after I texted my girls, duh)

Thank You for my unexpected blessing. I pray for him. Whether he's for me or not, he's remarkable. Bless him.

8) Came to starbucks after work, and I was presented with a heaping pile of candy on my coffee. My God, You really love me. I told the girls thank you, and I was thiiiiiiis close to bursting into tears. Happy tears. No, not from coffee (although coffee is totally cry-worthy) but from the love and the blessings the Lord gave me today. 

What ever did I do to deserve such a great day, Father? 

I love Him. Love love love Him. Not because He gives me "great" days, but because every single day He is with me. Right beside me. Good or bad, rainy or sunshine. Today just so happened to be a really good, sunshiny day. And it began with His presence. 

Thank You Lord. I praise You for today. I praise You for every day.

And while I'm sipping my amazingly sickeningly sweet diabetic coma cup, shaking my foot to the beat of a worship tune, I just have to say: God, You are good. All the time.

Unfiltered

Okay, I've started a blog about 5 times now and literally deleted all of it.
From here on, I will not delete what I write (on this blog)


Today was hard on me. 
Really really stinkin hard. 
This "not gone yet but fixin to be" time is SO ridiculously hard.
I have been praying for God to just provide a nice cave for me for these last 2 months.
Hide me. Put me away haha
Just really hard to wait to go, all the while being treated like I'm about to leave like NOW.
How am I supposed to enjoy 2 months of anything while I'm getting the boot?
Everything is about goodbye. Everything is about leaving.


Problem is... I'm STILL HERE.
2 more months.


Guh. And in 11, I'll be back. 
Until I signed up for this trip, I got the feeling that I wouldn't miss much.
Not much to miss back home. 
Yeah friends, family, mmhmm okay I can still talk to everybody. Not a big deal.


If ever somebody's status could be "extra single" it would be me.
Nobody will be pining back home. I definitely have zero distractions, which was what I wanted in the first place.


All I'm saying is, I need a cave.
Lord, go ahead and hide me for 2 months. 
Then send me out.

Okay that is all :)
Unfiltered.

Spoiled

I feel so spoiled.
I'm supposed to be having a hard time having less stuff, right?
All my belongings literally fit inside my car.


Yet I am sitting here at Starbucks, with the biggest grin on my face, thinking


"I am the luckiest girl in the world"


How can it be?


Well I have the coolest Daddy ever, to start things off.
No, not my earthly Daddy (he's pretty cool) but my perfect, all-powerful Daddy in Heaven. My Creator and sustainer.


The One who calls me to rise in the morning and looks at me like I'm the most lovely thing and says "this is very good" :)


He says "hey I have something for you to do!!" and I jump for joy.
Yes, I'll sell my stuff, here we go. Okay what now, Lord?


And He tells me to love on my brothers and sisters.
Encourage the ones who are quieter.
Empower the men.
Call out the beauty in my sisters.


Okay awesome.


I walked into Starbucks today, expecting to get a Salted Caramel Mocha Frappuccino (which is my SECOND favorite drink)


Last year around this time of the year, I was a REGULAR here at this Starbucks.
They knew my name, they knew my order, they recognized my voice over the drive-thru. I made a lot of friends in green aprons :) My friends also controlled my coffee, so you can imagine the "special treatment" I'd get when I ordered my all-time favorite, the Caramel Brulee Frappuccino. The candy bits? The good stuff? Oh yeah, it was ridiculous the amount of candy they put in my drink. Heck, they've even given me a whole bottle of the candy bits before.


Sadly this drink is no longer on the menu, so that's why I expected to get the Salted Caramel Mocha, still amazing. Still would have been the ultimate treat because superfluous spending went right out the window for me.


Well I am greeted with "HEEEEEY YOUUUU!!!" and familiar faces peeking at me from behind the counter. Two of my friends, making a scene, and delighted to inform me that they have the ingredients and the syrups and the crazy awesome candy bits to make *dun dun dun*

The CARAMEL BRULEE FRAPPUCCINO!!!!!

I got to share with the girls about my mission trip, and they were excited to hear about it.
So I'm sitting here, grinning from ear to ear, reading James, listening to The Civil Wars, Ray LaMontagne, Glen Hansard, & Gungor, having such a wonderful day in my life.


I've gotten to visit with the Community Groups at my church, and tonight I'm visiting another one! I've been communicating well with people.


My to-do list is still ridiculously long, but when is it not?


My day is beautiful. I got to watch the sunset and hear a new worship song on the radio that made me smile. It said "there's no place like home" :)


The perfect words for a missionary who hasn't left home yet. Yearning to leave, but realizing that today is such a blessing. I am one spoiled daughter of God.
Thank You Lord.


Here's that song, enjoy it <3

When it rains...

IT POURS!!!!!

I am so incredibly overwhelmed with joy today. Holy Lord Almighty and Good!

Allow me to count these blessings!! Let's stick with chronological order, because I'm not facebook :)

1) woke up on time & got ready in peace (trust me, such a blessing)
2) watched the SUNRISE as I drove to work
3) got to sing my current favorite song because it came on the radio "Times" by Tenth Avenue North
4) put in my notice at work that I'll be quitting on dec 9 and it was well-received! *PRRRAAAISE*
5) oh oh and I got my launch date, no big deal. I'm LEAVING ON JANUARY 10TH :)
6) My aunt and grandma are here from Brazil! I get to see them and visit with them for a whole week!
7) I am getting to see a lot of amazing people this weekend. Halleluyerrrrr
8) I am getting to baptize one of my best friends. What a joy what a joy.
9) I realize that I fall deeper and deeper in love with Jesus like... every single day.
10) It's Friday, Friday, getting down on Friday... and now it's weekend time :)

If I kept going, I'd waste my weekend in front of a screen.

I love you, reader!
God bless you :)

random writing :)

I have reverse writer's block tonight, which consists of my brain being too jumbled to write due to too many ideas.

It's actually kind of miserable. I wish it upon no one.

I wanted to dig up old halloween pictures of myself, and post an album to cover up the fact I didn't dress up or celebrate it at all this year. At 24, I feel like I've passed the age. Most of my friends are dressing up their children. I carved pumpkins with kids. Sure, sure, I've eaten some free candy and laughed at costumes. I enjoyed the day, despite my lack of participation and effort.

If I had dressed up, I would have gone as Jason Terry.

Celebrating the Mavs even now :) dressing up as the Jet!! It would have been pretty simple too, just a jersey, headband, and high socks, and do the JET thing around lol easy peasy :)

Okay I am going to bed because if I don't seize this moment I will stay up for another 2 hours.

Here's a lovely verse, xanga style.

"From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
   the name of the LORD is to be praised."
-Psalm 113:3

ps. when I used to write my very first blog, xanga, it followed this format "rambling rambling, more rambling... the Word of God" no matter how short, how random, or how unrelated, I usually ended my blogs with a verse :) Makes me happy to look back.

But now, I find myself even happier looking forward and directly in front of me.
Thank You God, my portion.

I'm horrible at opening envelopes...

But I am AWESOME at oversharing.


For the sake of following through with what I say I will do (and because I can't sleep), I figured... why not overshare? Give my secret stalkers something to munch on? Yes, please.


Dear secret stalker,
You will deny to the grave having ever read this blog. Alas, here you are! Don't worry, I don't have any secret magic trackers on this page, unfortunately. I'm sure the technology is available, but I do not know or care to find a cool html code and write code on my profile anymore than I already have. You're safe to creep on creepin' on!


Unless..... you're creeping from somewhere sketchy and random, say Cambodia, and I see that I got 15 views from somebody in Cambodia, then I know it's you, World Racer in Cambodia. Hello!


Let's just assume my secret stalkers are in America, where the stalking is easy and the creeping is free.


Read on, soldier.


So I find, in the wee hours of the morning... everyone falls into one of these categories:
Oversharers or Undersharers


Here's why I'd much rather be an oversharer:

1. You know what I'm thinking and feeling. Yes, the term open book... literally, I might as well bind my blogs into my open book of a life. If you overlook the fact I've been extremely complacent about blogging in the last 6 weeks, I am very open.
2. Undersharers are confusing people. Don't get defensive on me, but I stand by this statement. Why (when you have all the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of this brief and beautiful life) not share? You have a set of eyes and ears that no one in this world can offer. The way you see the world. The way you live. Burying the commentary is nonsensical to me. Illogical. Confusing. I do not understand you, and I do not see you trying to explain it.
3. I think it's attractive. You know. In the opposite sex. My dude. My man. He will kinda sorta be an oversharer, to the max. No, I don't want to hear every unfortunate thought that crosses his mind. Well maybe. I think it's attractive to express oneself. To not be so darn careful with words all the time. To speak mundaneish. There is nothing wrong with silence, but we all know that silence speaks. If you're an oversharer, silence means "I don't have anything to share at the moment." Clear. Normal. Not confusing. Attractive! If you're an undersharer, silence may mean "I have something that I don't want to share" and.... again... confusing. No thank you :)

Now you know, secret stalker, that a trait I enjoy and also portray is oversharing.


I read today on Twitter (great source of news and wisdom nowadays) a tweet posted by the wonderful Mark Driscoll. Needless to say I retweeted this immediately. Ahem:

Single people need to stop making a list of what they want in a spouse & start making a list of what they want to be for a spouse.

Bingo. Right on the money, Pastor Mark!
I am busted. I am one of those single people with the cliche list in my Bible. I carry my "list" in my Bible (go ahead and have a good chuckle!). I will slowly work on my own list. I understand that right now is not my season for dating. I praise God for that. It's quite peaceful to know that the right man of God will not be coming after me on a white horse during the next 12 months.
He may be secretly stalking me, even now, quietly, like one of those burrowing spiders a creepy stuffed animal in a horror movie Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory.
That's okay. You can stalk me, Mr. TheOne if you're reading this.
It's actually flattering if you are. Odds are, I have stalked you too. I probably think you're all that and a bag of sun chips (harvest cheddar). I will try my best to think of you as a brother until God makes it crystal clear to you that you better get on the ball. Good? Good.


That's all I have for now :)
I'll do my very best to go to bed. Somebody is waiting on me.
For comedic relief, here's ELEANORRRRRRRRR!

HOW DARE YOU KEEP ME AWAKE WHILST YOU BLOG?!

poor bloggy!

i so sowwies bloggy boo
mama has neglected you
ive been busy packing gear
and i didnt write on here

please forgive my time away,
my dear bloggy, and i say:
in the next two months
ill write some funny stuff.

(ran out of rhyming juice)

I can do better lol I'll update a post about statuses and about elevators. I'll also write one about camping hygiene. It'll be boss.

love yall!!

Update on Stubborn Stanley

Dear friends and family,

I know this matter of great concern has been keeping you up at night, tossing and turning.
My Invisalign journey was supposed to end on September 20^th.
 
Instead, there was a delay due to Stubborn Stanley’s lack of cooperation.  The question on everyone’s mind:

“Will Helena’s tooth move up enough for her to get Invisalign off in time for training camp??”

Yes, my tooth is moving forward.

I’m relieved to announce that Stubborn Stanley, my troublesome upper right lateral incisor IS indeed getting pushed into the desired position.  His yield began shortly after Dr. Davis modified the last retainer to contain two “buttons,” which are now manhandling Stanley with unprecedented vehemence.

October 10 is the new projected “last day” of Invisalign!

Thank you all for your kind words and encouraging gestures through this unexpected setback.


Love,
Helena

Phone Prayer

Found this in my phone :) this was about 2 weeks before God pointed me to the mission trip.
See how He works? He answered my confusing prayer. God is faithful.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

someday im going to be so into God that nothing and no one will ever be able to let me down. I'll be so vested in God that I simply will not be aware of failure. my hopes will be secured and focused. Lord right now would be a great time to bring me closer. God please dont let me be wasting my time and feelings?? Would You speak to my heart?? Let me know if I'm doing things right? I love You more than anything.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

NOSTALGIA

Hello nostalgia!

Oh Mean Green!! I miss you at times like these. Getting on Facebook and seeing all my alumni friends wearing green and going to the first football game at the brand new stadium. Oh how I miss screaming in the crowd "NOOOORTH.... TEXAAAAAS!"

My brother and I at WHS homecoming in 2004

It's the same feeling I get when I read my high school band director's tweets about the band marching 3/4 of the show. The lights. The music. Homecoming.

Colorguard 2005 - UNT

Vibrant memories. All of it was a rush. Band in high school, band in college, the bus rides, the uniforms, standing at attention in the heat. Marching the fight song. :)




All those doors slammed shut and locked behind me.
No going back. That's done. Graduated. 


I don't get nearly enough free shirts anymore!
When that tiny seed of nostalgia starts to sprout into discontentment, the Lord says to my heart:

Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions. - Ecclesiastes 7:10

Despite the rush of memories, He reminds me to be thankful and joyful right where I am. 

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. - Psalm 118:24

Not just this, but I am fully confident that the plans the Lord has for me will be replete of joy. He's not done with me yet. He's sending me on a mission trip. He is going to bless me and use me to bless others.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10

And even more, I have a promise of eternity in Christ! A promise of heaven :)

I know my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another.
   How my heart yearns within me! 
- Job 19:25-27

I am thankful for Whitesboro High School, thankful for North Texas, but nothing compares to the eternal life I live today in the abundance of Christ's love.


Goodbye nostalgia!