Second Guessing

Ever have those nights when you say "ahh forget sleep!" and start second guessing some things in your life?

Feel God calling you to prayer about certain things you thought were pretty much figured out?


I have a lot of praying to do... I have this feeling that God's about to do something pretty big in my life. I want to be ready, but at the same time I don't want to expect anything. One day at a time, planning out one weekend at a time--except for running, of course, which takes up most of my weekends! I am trying so hard to be patient, yet I'm trying not to define what it is I'm waiting for. God knows, and He won't let me miss it. It's not going to slip by me :) Loud and clear, I pray. I'm done living by the standards of this world, and people-pleasing... it gets me no credit with my Savior.  I refuse to follow advice that I know won't please God. I admit sometimes all I want is to do what everybody else is doing. It's that part of me that I have to battle... some instances are getting easier to beat than others. I'm working on it, God's working on it.

It comforts me to know that He has me by the hand. He's guiding me, and I'm living for Him. I feel confident that God will direct me where He needs me, when He needs me. He's done it so many times before.
He's the one that I live for, and the one I was born to love. No one else can take that place. It takes a quiet day like this to remind me to focus and to seek Him so much more.  I am so thankful for the blessing of this day.  Instead of that terrible anxiety I'd feel, I'm smiling.  I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but retrospectively it was so wise and needed.  God, You have my heart. Do with it what You will  :]

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more...

Aggressive Chewing

Calling it a new smile might be a bit exaggerated, but I've started my Invisalign year journey to a straighter-toothed smile!
Besides the mother of all headaches yesterday, the only thing I'm having problems with is biting the heck out of my lip and cheeks while eating.
My teeth have become sharp foreign objects in my mouth. I won't have a bottom lip after this. What gets it caught are the little anchors they put on... they are the color of my teeth but they are these BUMPS and well... they protrude and when I bite down they pinch my poor lips/cheeks.
Add to this how lazy I am that I don't want to go through the process of taking them out, eating, brushing, rinsing, then putting them back.... so my snacking era is over. I thought this morning that a bowl of cereal sounded like an absolutely wonderful choice for breakfast... and now with a few spoonfuls of sweet berry captain crunch in my system and a bloody lip.... well ... I'm beginning to question that decision.
I think the root cause of my problem here is my aggressive chewing. I chew like a lioness chews a live zebra. I chew to kill and there is no need for that. Slow down, ye powerful mandibles!! No need to be a.. cereal killer... *rolls eyes*

Solutions:

• Chew kindly aka gnaw
• Eat foods that I can gum
• Not eat
• Drink my meal
• Half-chew.. yeah, not bite all the way down
• Only eat things that are small enough to be swallowed whole
• Unhinge my jaw and swallow anything whole, like a snake
• Get a feeding tube
• Line the inside of my mouth with a protective layer of some kind
• Line those sharp pointy bits of my teeth so as to decrease the danger
• Numb my mouth before meals and deal with the consequences later
• Pretend I'm in slow motion..... WINNER!

Pulpit in the Pit

How you react when you’re struck down is a huge way to let Christ’s love shine through.  It’s a loud testament of Jesus Christ in your life when instead of bitterness, hopelessness, anger, and revenge you give a smile, kind words, a reminder that all your treasure is in heaven, all your heart is invested in the Savior, not here… that you’re gonna be just fine in the strength Christ gives you at your weakest point. You can talk all day, but people watch you when you’re rejected, when you’re down, when you’re running late, when someone you love dies, when you’re cut off on the road, when you lose a job, and when your heart is broken. Whether you like it or not, you're witnessing. God brings you to hardship for HIS GLORY, to build your character for HIS KINGDOM and HIS PURPOSE.  There's a great pulpit in your lowest pit.  Use it.  Please act according to the undeserved grace that’s been given to you. It goes against every sinful fiber of your being, which is a great definition of discipleship.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.”
2 Cor 4:8-10

“Do everything in love.”
1 Cor 16:14

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Eph 4:29

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” 
Eph 4:31-32

"I waited patiently for the LORD;
   he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
   out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
   and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
   a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
   and put their trust in him."
Psalm 40:1-3

"Would it turn out well if He examined you? Could you deceive Him as you might deceive a mortal?"
Job 13:9

Painful words to hear

Dear Helena,

It pains me to say this but I need to be frank. This hurts me more than it hurts you, trust me. I’m under a lot of pressure, and your actions impact me more than you know. I’ve accepted the fact that you’re always out running around, but it’s still hard on me. Last night, however, was unacceptable. I’m pretty flexible, but last night you went too far. Truth is, your hips do lie. Also, you are not Shakira. How low can you go? Well not that low. Ever again. Or else I’m breaking up.

Sincerely,

Your Left Knee.

Almost...

almost....

• - overslept
• - didn't register on time
• - parked by the jungle gym
• - locked my keys in the car
• - fell asleep in the car
• - stabbed myself with a "safety" pin... oxymoron

so thankful that those were just almosts this morning :)

it's time to warm up so i don't almost pull any muscles!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Updated list continues.. almost...

• - won 1st place... 2nd is good with me! 10K in 57:15!
• - missed the opportunity to bless someone who was having a really bad day. Thanks to God for showing me that I needed to give this lady a hug. 

God put me at the right place at the right time today, and for that I am thankful beyond words. It was good to "run into" my buddies (pun!!) and be able to scream encouragement to the people that pushed me the whole race :) it's cool when people congratulate you for something you enjoy doing and take the time to come shake your hand. I am so thankful and humbled.

I love running, but I think it's all that comes with it that I cherish the most... the encouragement, the respect, the hard work, the smiles, the sweat, the pain overcome, the sharing of these experiences with others. It's not about the finish line to me. If I ran thinking about finishing I wouldn't. I focus on where I am, each step, this mile, this stretch, this breeze, this song, this sky. Besides, crossing the line is such a minute part of the experience... my favorite part is when I'm tired and it hurts, yet something makes me laugh or smile and I find new strength.  I wish I could be as good about living in the moment in every area of my life as I am with running. I'm learning to stay in the present and push myself, trusting God will have my finish line taken care of. Along the way, I'm grateful for the chance to encourage and be encouraged. Oh and the wind on my face :)

Knowing What You Want is Half the Battle

Decisions, decisions... every single day we all make decisions. Some are mundane, like what to wear, what to eat (thanks God for providing), or what to do with our spare time. Some decisions are a lot harder... like career, relationships, what and WHO you live your life for, whether or not to purchase expensive items, where to live, etc etc.
All this we know. But how we go about it is so vastly different... definitely enough for me to write.
Throughout my nearly 24 (yikes) years, I've known brilliant, wonderful people who just...can't... pick. Decisions absolutely scare them. They are dumbfounded by possibilities, doubts, or even too many passions.  Several people couldn't pick a major to save their lives. Flip floppin, changing their minds, and then they chose and changed it again! Some choose several majors, some unrelated, out of love or uncertainty of the future. I know people that were afraid to advance to college, because they were afraid to make a choice.

I'm not discounting the ever-changing age of technology. I realize that most of the jobs we aspire for now weren't ever available to our parents, at least not in this same way. For example.... teaching. When you looked to your teacher's desk way back when, you'd see a gradebook... presentations used to be on the chalk board, not on powerpoint... even kids used to carry books, and now are slowly but surely going to e-books.  While everything around us is shifting, reaching a resolution is understandably hard. But what is the ultimate goal? I think people fail to ask themselves that question. What is the one reason why YOU even work? Is it for money? How much money are you looking to make? Do you even know?! Once you have it, what will you purchase? Personally, I wish I could take money out of the equation. It pollutes our intentions. Some of the most noble fields of work are the least remunerated. Why should a movie star make more money than a janitor? Their jobs require the same level of education :) One job requires humility, benefiting others in such a necessary way, while the other gains recognition regardless of how unnecessary it truly is. Our society is screwed up... is that the reason we don't know what we want in life?

I've been one of the apparently few who have not had to wrestle indecision to the ground. I'm very stubborn. I usually know what I want right away. I pick favorites! I have a favorite color, a favorite icecream, a favorite drink... yet I'm always open to trying new things, and not too stubborn to stand corrected when something surprises me or I learn something new.


My motivation in choosing my major is deep. I used to want to be a veterinarian back when I was 14ish. I love animals. Dogs, cats, turtles, birds, fish, snakes, you name it I've probably had it as a pet at some point. I had a change of heart when I was actually in a vet's office and saw how sad it is that pets live such short lives.
Sophomore year of high school, I decided I wanted to be a pediatrician. I love kids. LOVE kids. And kids love me. I can't explain it!  Put me in a room with 10 super nannies and the kid will want to play with me for some unknown, mysterious reason. I'm good at science, I'm smart, and no one rolled their eyes at me when I said I wanted to be a doctor. It took me a couple of years to think this through, and by the summer before my senior year of high school I had another change of heart. I had already looked at pre-med and medical schools, I was dead set on going to Texas Tech, Honors program, marching in the Goin Band freshman year, then doing their program where it prepares you for their Medical School. I had already spoken with advisers, visited the campus, all the works. Then I thought of my family... yes, my still non-existent children and unknown husband person. Would I want to be in school for 12 years? Well no... Would I want to juggle school with my family, especially the early years? Again, no... And would I want to be a young mom? Would this overlap? Yep... so I had to think again.
To summarize.. I chose to be a medical laboratory scientist so I could be a good mother and wife. Four, tough demanding years in school. North Texas was 45 minutes away from where I went to high school. They gave me a big scholarship. The campus is amazing. The Honors College welcomed me with open arms. I was able to work the whole time. I was able to commute when I had to. I came out in 4 years, with an honors degree, with several job offers. God opened every door, but I had to walk through them.
I had to know what I wanted, why I wanted it, and what it would take to get it.

While I consider myself blessed and fortunate, if I had sat in indecision I know this wouldn't have happened by itself. Some things don't just fall into place, you have to make them work. You have to pursue confidently.

I wish I could read minds, to know what it is that people consider so much, why the choice is so hard. It's how you want to spend your time, and how you want to impact the world. It's what you love, what you're good at doing. What you do to benefit others. My dream job I won't get to do for a while, and it's to be a mother and wife. I have peace with that, but I thankfully know what I want. And God knows it too.

In relationships, I've made some poor decisions in the past. I've come a long way from being the harried student. Thanks to God, I'm grown. I feel so old!!! I look back and I'm not in college anymore. I just work and then voila, my free time is mine!
I can afford things, I can plan big trips (not that I have ANY time to take them... welcome to the real world!), and I'm a steady person.
When somebody meets me, they look down a straight road. None of the winding, confusing twists and turns are really there anymore. I'm whole. For somebody that finds comfort in not having to make any decisions, I'm as terrifying as college. For my somebody, whoever he is, I'm the smile on his face for an answered prayer. Never has my life been less complicated. My family is steady too, finally! My parents work together and are happy empty-nesters, while my little brother is situated in college, surviving being an engineering major at UT.


One day, my somebody and I are gonna get married on top of a mountain. and...




HAHA had to add that! my favorite movie of all time says it best. That's what I want! And to be featured on awkwardfamilyphotos.com every year with my family Christmas cards :)

I pray that God blesses you, reader, with wisdom to choose what you need to pursue, the courage to start, and the perseverance to finish.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."" Isaiah 30:21

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." Psalm 37:23-24

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Prov 3:5-6

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." 2 Tim 1:7