Decisions, decisions... every single day we all make decisions. Some are mundane, like what to wear, what to eat (thanks God for providing), or what to do with our spare time. Some decisions are a lot harder... like career, relationships, what and WHO you live your life for, whether or not to purchase expensive items, where to live, etc etc.
All this we know. But how we go about it is so vastly different... definitely enough for me to write.
Throughout my nearly 24 (yikes) years, I've known brilliant, wonderful people who just...can't... pick. Decisions absolutely scare them. They are dumbfounded by possibilities, doubts, or even too many passions. Several people couldn't pick a major to save their lives. Flip floppin, changing their minds, and then they chose and changed it again! Some choose several majors, some unrelated, out of love or uncertainty of the future. I know people that were afraid to advance to college, because they were afraid to make a choice.
I'm not discounting the ever-changing age of technology. I realize that most of the jobs we aspire for now weren't ever available to our parents, at least not in this same way. For example.... teaching. When you looked to your teacher's desk way back when, you'd see a gradebook... presentations used to be on the chalk board, not on powerpoint... even kids used to carry books, and now are slowly but surely going to e-books. While everything around us is shifting, reaching a resolution is understandably hard. But what is the ultimate goal? I think people fail to ask themselves that question. What is the one reason why YOU even work? Is it for money? How much money are you looking to make? Do you even know?! Once you have it, what will you purchase? Personally, I wish I could take money out of the equation. It pollutes our intentions. Some of the most noble fields of work are the least remunerated. Why should a movie star make more money than a janitor? Their jobs require the same level of education :) One job requires humility, benefiting others in such a necessary way, while the other gains recognition regardless of how unnecessary it truly is. Our society is screwed up... is that the reason we don't know what we want in life?
I've been one of the apparently few who have not had to wrestle indecision to the ground. I'm very stubborn. I usually know what I want right away. I pick favorites! I have a favorite color, a favorite icecream, a favorite drink... yet I'm always open to trying new things, and not too stubborn to stand corrected when something surprises me or I learn something new.
My motivation in choosing my major is deep. I used to want to be a veterinarian back when I was 14ish. I love animals. Dogs, cats, turtles, birds, fish, snakes, you name it I've probably had it as a pet at some point. I had a change of heart when I was actually in a vet's office and saw how sad it is that pets live such short lives.
Sophomore year of high school, I decided I wanted to be a pediatrician. I love kids. LOVE kids. And kids love me. I can't explain it! Put me in a room with 10 super nannies and the kid will want to play with me for some unknown, mysterious reason. I'm good at science, I'm smart, and no one rolled their eyes at me when I said I wanted to be a doctor. It took me a couple of years to think this through, and by the summer before my senior year of high school I had another change of heart. I had already looked at pre-med and medical schools, I was dead set on going to Texas Tech, Honors program, marching in the Goin Band freshman year, then doing their program where it prepares you for their Medical School. I had already spoken with advisers, visited the campus, all the works. Then I thought of my family... yes, my still non-existent children and unknown husband person. Would I want to be in school for 12 years? Well no... Would I want to juggle school with my family, especially the early years? Again, no... And would I want to be a young mom? Would this overlap? Yep... so I had to think again.
To summarize.. I chose to be a medical laboratory scientist so I could be a good mother and wife. Four, tough demanding years in school. North Texas was 45 minutes away from where I went to high school. They gave me a big scholarship. The campus is amazing. The Honors College welcomed me with open arms. I was able to work the whole time. I was able to commute when I had to. I came out in 4 years, with an honors degree, with several job offers. God opened every door, but I had to walk through them.
I had to know what I wanted, why I wanted it, and what it would take to get it.
While I consider myself blessed and fortunate, if I had sat in indecision I know this wouldn't have happened by itself. Some things don't just fall into place, you have to make them work. You have to pursue confidently.
I wish I could read minds, to know what it is that people consider so much, why the choice is so hard. It's how you want to spend your time, and how you want to impact the world. It's what you love, what you're good at doing. What you do to benefit others. My dream job I won't get to do for a while, and it's to be a mother and wife. I have peace with that, but I thankfully know what I want. And God knows it too.
In relationships, I've made some poor decisions in the past. I've come a long way from being the harried student. Thanks to God, I'm grown. I feel so old!!! I look back and I'm not in college anymore. I just work and then voila, my free time is mine!
I can afford things, I can plan big trips (not that I have ANY time to take them... welcome to the real world!), and I'm a steady person.
When somebody meets me, they look down a straight road. None of the winding, confusing twists and turns are really there anymore. I'm whole. For somebody that finds comfort in not having to make any decisions, I'm as terrifying as college. For my somebody, whoever he is, I'm the smile on his face for an answered prayer. Never has my life been less complicated. My family is steady too, finally! My parents work together and are happy empty-nesters, while my little brother is situated in college, surviving being an engineering major at UT.
One day, my somebody and I are gonna get married on top of a mountain. and...
HAHA had to add that! my favorite movie of all time says it best. That's what I want! And to be featured on awkwardfamilyphotos.com every year with my family Christmas cards :)
I pray that God blesses you, reader, with wisdom to choose what you need to pursue, the courage to start, and the perseverance to finish.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."" Isaiah 30:21
"If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." Psalm 37:23-24
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Prov 3:5-6
"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." 2 Tim 1:7
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