How to Lose a Guy

Don't ask me how I know, but through my terrible, hilarious dating experiences, I bring you my "How to Lose a Guy" blog :) brace yourself.

How to Lose a Guy

Mental Preparation
In order to lose a guy, you must first prepare your mind for failure. Chant things like "I'll never find a guy" and "oh wow I am lonely" throughout your day. Make sure you reach the bittersweet borders of desperation. Men can smell it.

Initial Communication

• Go ahead and initiate. Men are like tiny, scared little kittens. And terrified of rejection. Most are emotionally scarred from previous relationships, so don't take it personally.  
• Memorize his facebook, as it'll come in handy later on the first date. He'll think you're SO smart when you can recount to him the names of his family members and ex-girlfriends. Make sure to note the pretty ones and go on THEIR facebook and check if they've moved on. Better safe than sorry, girl!
• Also, always text back. IMMEDIATELY. He won't notice at first, but eventually he'll realize your free time consists of staring at the phone willing it to beep with sweet messages from him, beckoning your presence.

First Date

• Make sure he knows he's being watched and tested. 
• Bring up heavy topics, like children, marriage, baggage, and here's the kicker: ask about his family. MAKE SURE you drop names. He'll know you've done your homework, and this will start the red flag process. 
• Talk, talk, talk. Fill the empty moments.
• Start watching for habits and flaws. Those will be useful later on, so pay careful attention.

Relationship

If you get this far, congratulations! You didn't scare him off!! But don't worry, you're just getting started, and he's gonna BOLT!

• Get clingy. You want to see him OFTEN!! Why? Well besides the fact you really care about him, it's obvious you're trying to freak him out. Make sure you demand an excuse for when you CAN'T spend time together.
• Make sure you go above and beyond, you offer to bring him meals when he's sick, you even offer to clean his place. Go on super girlfriend mode. It adds a new kind of pressure only men are sensitive to. Girls call it "being sweet" and men see the "danger, danger, wife material" sign.
• Be watchful for the first disagreement, and this is the important step: CRY. Be certain you CRY!! Men never know how to act around a woman who's crying and they feel awful about it. Send him packing for that guilt trip!! Being emotional is going to propel you to glorious lose-a-guy action.
•  Bring up his flaws and ask him to change or compromise. The jury is still out on the exact number, but I can tell you, a VERY HIGH PERCENTAGE of men will NOT change for you. This will probably be the "lose the guy" moment, especially if you can cry while you say it.
• Physical frustration. Yes. Another great moment to bring up children and marriage. (On a serious note, you're not a piece of meat! You deserve a man that will treat you with respect.)
• If you still haven't lost him, whoa. WHOA! The next progression is bringing up his FRIENDS' flaws and making sure he acknowledges and agrees with you on each and every one. This is as good a time to cry as any.
• Show up in your pjs, don't do your hair, let him see you at your least attractive moments. This may scare him off, but honestly, if you've made it this far, you may not lose this guy.

Conclusion...
Ladies,
Losing a guy is difficult, but if you do it the right way, it can be rather simple.
If your guy put up with all that, he is as crazy as you are, and you're probably meant to be together.