Imperfect

So you only hear all about how nice and funny things happen in my life...
Well, let's be fair and well-rounded and have a spill session.

• I'm impatient
• Stubborn
• I overthink
• I beat myself up, I'm my own worst critic
• I'm a perfectionist
• I procrastinate, even silly tasks, sometimes I just put them off for some odd reason
• I hate hate laundry. My closet is currently quite messy.
• I am up really late right now, I just can't sleep
• I must be OCD because if things aren't where I like them, it bugs me.
• I woke up late this morning, out of sheer laziness. I skipped 4 alarms, missed the last one. 
• I feel like I care too much about people and it isn't returned, not in the same way
• The above statement is referring to most of my friendships as well...
• I'm absolutely anxious (in a bad way) about turning 24. 
• I'm also anxious about who will and who will not acknowledge my birthday. I have certain expectations about who I hope would care. This makes me uneasy. It's kind of a big test.
• I absolutely hate surprises. I like to know that somebody cares ahead of time. To think it would slip by, not special, all the way until a surprise is revealed is terrible! "I don't care, I don't care.. surprise! I care!" ummm
• I just straight-up feel foolish sometimes
• I hate being late, yet it seems to happen more often than I can help it (goes along with the fact that about 50% of my plans don't go through... frustrating)
• I hope I never put up a front of somebody who has it all figured out. I have empty picture frames. There's a lot in my life that is not put together. I wish I had a clue about what's going on in my life but it's so full of false starts and dead ends... frankly I have no idea. I can only hope someday it all comes through.
• Never in a hopeless way, but sometimes I cry. Sin hurts. I hate it when I know better.
• I wish I had my best friend, somebody to share my life with. I don't like to be single. I'm single. I accept it, but I do not like it.
• I have a need to take care of people. If I don't have somebody to take care of, I feel kind of lost.
• I push my stubbornness into making excuses for people. I literally kid myself. "nah they're busy" "nah they're tired" "nah, they must be away from their phone" and push away the thought that maybe, just maybe they don't care. Only to come to find that... about 80% of the time they don't care.
• I hate to feel ignored. It's the sting of rejection. Sometimes I wish people would just burn the bridge already, cut the suspense.
• I want to buy a house but I don't feel like I should buy a house because I'm single and I fear that as soon as I bought the house I would regret the decision.
• I thought by this age my life would be different. God is dealing with this matter in my heart.
• I feel like most of the time, I am willing to do a lot more for people than they would for me. The golden rule upsets me.
• Sometimes I wish I could be the guy and chase and pursue. I'd be awesome at it. But I have to do the one thing I'm not so good at. Wait. When I'm busy it's all great, but sometimes it catches up to me.
• I mess up a lot. God sees my heart and my intentions. A lot of the time I mean well but gosh I am so in need of grace. I pray nobody ever thinks I'm projecting only my good side. I'm so imperfect.

Just wanted to put that out there. Y'all pray for me.  I'm seeking God with my heart, and I'm doing alright. He's providing for me and I do feel peace and trust that He's working on me and making things happen for my overall good. Thank God for the cross, that Christ has forgiven me and loved me just as I am, despite all my imperfections. He can do the same for you if you open your heart.
God bless y'all.