LETTER TO MY STALKER

DEAR DOUG,

You have to stop showing up at my work unannounced, “just because.”  

I know you’re trying to be sweet and surprise me, but it’s starting to affect me.  You know I want you but I can't have you. Every time you come by, I find myself resisting the urge to chew you out! I get a feeling in my stomach when you’re around, and it’s hard to fight it. It's not easy knowing everybody loves you at my job, either. I know you’re a sweetie, well-rounded, you always smell good, and yes I’m VERY attracted to you! Doug, don’t get me wrong, but you’re making yourself too available here! And I know that you’re no good for me or my heart in the long run. My plate is full right now and I don’t need you adding to it! I’m training for my third marathon, and I’m focusing on making better choices.  

Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.

STOP SHOWING UP AT MY JOB FOR BREAKFAST, 

DOUGHNUT!!

I LIKE YOU, BUT I CAN'T HAVE YOU!!!!

 Sincerely,

                      Helena

Ps: now read it again, so you can acknowledge my pun-making haha