Amused, I Mused

Yesterday I went to Panda Express and they had chicken entrees and shrimp entrees, and then I looked and saw “panda bowl”… I felt so bad, but I ordered it. And let me just warn you, it was totally false advertisement. Aww... ahem I mean phew!

I’ve plotted many ways to get out of a possible ticket, one of which is stabbing my nose with my nail and saying I got a nosebleed.

It always cracks me up when my mother calls my cell phone and I answer “hello” or “oi mae” (Hi mom) and she goes “Helena?” ………… and I try to vary my answers for my own amusement:

• “no, it’s Antonio”

• "no, it’s an alien that has taken Helena hostage”

• “no, this is an answering machine”

• “no, you’ve dialed the wrong number”

• “Helena?” (and then I repeat everything she says after she says it)

• “no, it’s just somebody that sounds a lot like Helena, answering her cell phone to confuse you”

• “nope, guess again!”

• “Mamae?” (and then pretend that I’m confused about who is calling me)

My mom brings me much laughter and opportunity to vent my comedic sarcasm. She usually forgets what she was going to say and it's even funnier.

I have an extensive (and I mean extensive) running list of English sayings that make no sense. This one in particular makes me rather uncomfortable. I was conversing with an American friend about planning and spontaneity.  He said “we’ll just fly by the seat of our pants.” I was immediately taken aback. I said “we most definitely will not!” and there was an awkward pause in conversation.  America! There will be no spontaneous flying by any part of my pants, thank you very much!

Declaration of Dependence

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."
           - familiar words from the Declaration of Independence...

The words "pursuit of happiness" have always stuck with me. I haven't been dealt many easy hands in life. It reminds me of the movie with Will Smith. Usually if I want something from the world, I need to go after it with all I have. I wasn't fortunate enough (no pun intended, but alas...) to have my family put me through school financially. I had to work and get really good grades, and thankfully God helped me by giving me a lot of scholarships and grants, and giving me enough strength to study so hard. Point is... it was so hard. It felt like a hot pursuit.

I feel like I should pursue all the things that I want. That's wrong. Not all that I want is right in timing. And I have to have more trust in God to provide, instead of taking matters into my own hands.
Plus, if I pursued a significant other, I'd be robbing their blessing to pursue me. I don't want to skip steps, or marry a coward. I want him to be BOLD!

"When I called, You answered me; You made me bold and stouthearted." ~ Psalm 138:3

This boldness comes from prayer and direction from God.
 I'm going to submit to God my desire to pursue, and declare my dependence.
Right now I'm unsure about my heart's status, although even my closest friends have told me I've progressed, that I'm doing better. But I honestly haven't gotten the green lights from God yet on caring for anybody with more than friendship.
"When one door closes, one more opens" but right now all my doors are slammed shut in my face.
I realize I'm not ready yet. Maybe in a few months. God knows. Yet it didn't stop my heart from skipping and feeling vulnerable. I'm in deep prayer for God to guard my heart and seal it for him. I have a major fear that I will always be seen as a divorced person, and that I will be shunned somehow. Or that divorce will be like a little dark cloud that follows me everywhere and makes me less fitting of a person to pursue. It feels like it doesn't matter what happened to me, how wronged I was, how strong I tried to be, how much pain I went through. That still, even looking back and having it be over, that it's still hindering me by scaring away people. God is still healing me, and I'm overcoming these fears. He's preparing my heart for the right time.

There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in His time.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11a

I have faith that happiness will boldly pursue me, scars and all.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still"
Exodus 14:14

Texas Let'em Go

Hey Everyone,
I sure do hope you're having a blessed Sunday morning :)

So yesterday we had a wonderful game night at my friend's house, and it was fellowship x awesome.... = yay.

I made the ridiculous pun when one of my brothers was talking about playing Texas Hold'em. I said we should play Texas Let'em Go. hahaaaaaaaaa I'm silly.
I realized I needed to write this post this morning, as I'm listening to David Crowder Band's "Never let go"

God never lets us go.

But we need to let go of everything else.
I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2

I've been doing a lot of letting go when it comes to life and Facebook. I deleted a LOT of people I care about. I don't want to be a stumbling block to my brothers. I am praying that God fills in and blesses me as I let some of these friendships go.  I need His reassurance right now, and your prayers. I want to be a woman of dignity, respected and appropriate. I want to be a blessing in God's eyes. I want to be a person that displays Jesus' ability to walk away from sin. Like Christ, I'll be tempted in every direction. But I want to look to the cross for endurance and encouragement, and have confidence and JOY as I stay on the straight and narrow path. I don't want to look around and envy the world. I don't want to look at my phone and wish I had a sweet text or a phonecall from a guy. I want to have complete focus on my True Love.
He has a super fancy timeline figured out for me.
Jesus calls me everyday, and tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me I'm special. He tells me He'll love me forever. He is faithful to me. He wakes me up and shows me the sunrise, just for me, because He knows I love the colors of the sky. I'm so in love.
So I'm letting go, and I'm holding on.

God's definition of LOVE versus the World's

God's Love...                                World's Love...

is patient                                                                                 is a rush
is kind                                                                                     is blind
does not envy                                                            looks to others for approval
does not boast                                                                     brags
is not proud                                                                         is a show of feel-good
is not rude                                                                           tells it like it is
is not self-seeking                                                                makes you happy
is not easily angered                                                            gets moody
keeps no record of wrongs                             brings up the past to win arguments
does not delight in evil                                                          goes with the flow
rejoices with the truth                                                     tells a lie to bring a smile
always protects                                                                    looks out for itself
always trusts                                                                        is insecure
always hopes                                                             does not care about the future
always perseveres                                                         gives up when it's too hard
never fails                                                                             ends

there... I had to write it :) make sure you have the real deal. God's love is unconditional!!!

God bless y'all!

IF ONLY

When I’m cooking, I refuse to let Casper in the kitchen. I get the
water spray bottle ready to go….. 

Holy Water Bottle

And I don’t let him go past the carpet/tile line.
The funny thing is that he knows exactly why he’s getting sprayed: he
knows not to come past that line… 
 
 So I looked down and found him sitting as close to the edge as
possible. 

why why why

 He could be in the living room with his toys, or sleeping in his little
bed, or destroying the Christmas tree…. He could be content… Instead he
sat by the edge, admiring all the things he couldn’t do and giving me
the evil eye.
 
Captain Obvious that I am: I’m making an analogy.
 
I found myself focusing my prayers and my thoughts on what I don’t
yet have, with an anxious heart, instead of praying all the more with
thanksgiving. I should have a grateful heart, but instead I want more. I
don’t spend nearly enough time thanking God for blessing me as I spend 
taking those blessings for granted with selfish, forward eyesight.

There will be a time and a place for everything (Ecc 3:1), as my life plans have
already been carefully and perfectly 
laid out (Psalm 16:5-6,  Jer 29:11, Eph 2:10).

 Why am I sitting by the edge, looking around at things I don’t have 
instead of being content,
actively grateful, and humbled? Why do I ask God “why don’t I have
_________?” instead of “how can I serve You NOW? How can I live my
life to thank You and praise You?” “What do YOU desire of me to be
doing?” and of course, the answers are blatant. They force me to deny
myself. To pick up my cross. To be a friend, a sister, and a servant. To
look away from what’s “missing” and realize that God wants me to
submit my expectations and supplications, and turn them into praise and
contentment…..
 
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one
body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Col 3:15

Psalm 16

Last night I hit a hard time and I had the choice of ignoring it or dwelling on it or letting God take care of it.

I listened to a sermon, I had a good cry, and I talked with a caring Godly friend. And then I turned to the powerful Word of God... and this is what He showed me, it is exactly how I feel and what I needed to read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psalm 16

Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."
As for the saints who are in the land, they are glorious ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips.
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God You are in charge. Guard my heart, seal it, keep it safe. Regardless of circumstances, let me always be assured that my lot is secure and You have a delightful inheritance for me, though I don't deserve it. You are so merciful. Your plans for me are already written, and they are for my good and Your glory. Remind me daily to strain for what is ahead and forget what is behind. Keep me focused on the eternal not the temporary. Apart from You I truly have no good thing.

Petite Single Woman's Guide to Grocery Shopping

Being a mere 5'1/2" feet short (ha!), petite, single woman has its perks, like... fitting into small spaces, rarely having to duck, and being so close to the ground that tripping can't hurt. On the flip side... there are many struggles I face due to my earthly body, one of which is grocery shopping.

But Why?!

• -I can't reach top shelves (at home or at the store)
• -Carrying the groceries can be somewhat difficult
• -My non-intimidating appearance does me no good in crowded aisles
• -The checkout employee always has to make a comment about my purchases because of my size i.e."wow you can eat all this cereal?"
• -Parking lot safety is always something to keep in mind

Action Plan

If you or a loved one ever have these troubles, follow my simple guide to a stress-free grocery shopping experience for the vertically-challenged female.


Make a careful grocery list

• -Consider the weight of the items you will be purchasing. Would you rather carry a gallon of milk or a carton? Can you carry that many cans of soup? Remember ramen is a practically weightless and affordable alternative.
• -Purchase store brand items, as they are very likely placed on a shelf you can reach.
• -Avoid buying the same item in bulk due to possible cashier harassment. My personal tips: 5 or less cans of tuna, 2 or less tubs of nutella, 2 or less boxes of cereal, 2 or less boxes of popsicles, and my favorite 8 or less cans of soup so you don't have to hear "you like soup, huh?!" Also try to be conscious of the "super packs" of bathroom products, as those will also earn you some raised eyebrows.

Choose your grocery store and parking wisely

• -Be wary that the "cheaper" the store, the more likely you will be raped/mugged/murdered in the parking lot.
• -Park near the front if at all possible.
• -Park near a shopping cart rack.
• -Park AWAY from any car that has creepy people in it.
• -Keep in mind that every time you park at Wal-mart, you are much more likely to die, day or night.
• -Go to a store in the safest part of your neighborhood, if you have a choice. For example, in Temple you go to the HEB on 31st Street and never ever to the "Ghetto HEB" on 25th Street. Choose wisely.
• -When loading groceries, put them in your trunk and leave your car locked while you load them. This will decrease your odds of having a stranger sneak into your car.
• -Also... don't hang out in your car at a grocery store parking lot, especially at night. Get your groceries loaded, lock your doors, and drive off. Don't be dumb or you will get raped. This also applies for gas stations.

When to shop

• -Shop when "old people" are awake. Imagine an old lady, waking up at 5 am and going to bed at a reasonable hour of 9:30 pm. Shopping during that time span is usually safe.
• -Opt for daytime. In my experience, weekday mornings are the best time to avoid crowds.
• -If you must shop when the store is crowded, you may have to park your cart (take your purse!) and go fetch your items when aisles are especially crowded. This is when being petite comes in handy since you can squeeze between carts.

Miscellaneous Tips

• -Consider the weather/lighting.  Don't make huge shopping trips when it's dark. Don't shop when it's pouring rain outside. You don't want to get murdered in the rain. They won't find you.
• -Choose a younger female checkout person if at all possible. Old people take a long time and men usually make snarky unnecessary comments.
• -Avoid creepy people during your entire shopping experience. Don't get in line behind a creeper or they may wait for you outside. I should rephrase that. They WILL wait for you outside.
• -Don't shop when you're hungry lest you compromise your petite frame.
• -Pick a good cart, try to get a smaller one or a basket if you're just shopping for essentials. Beware of squeaky/swervy carts. Test them out or they may outmaneuver you.
• -Practice powerwalking on your own time, as it may save your life.
• -Walk to your car with keys between your knuckles. Always be ready to poke someone's eye out.

I hope this information is helpful to all my petite single women. Be safe and happy shopping! Remember, when you're not big or tall, you have to compensate with planning and strategic paranoia.

2011... "This better be good"

Hello World

Guess who's back, back again, Helena's back, tell a friend. It's been a while... fall of 2007 to be exact since I've last blogged in the lovely days of Xanga... if you're curious/stalkerish take a look at old me. Some things are still the same... my overuse of exclamation marks (!!!!!), my pattern of rant then explaining away how thankful I am despite of it all, my spastic sentence structure, my nerdiness, my pathetic puns, my unexplainable randomosity....

Most things I guess have changed: how boycrazy I was for one, my usage of the words "shiznit" and "shibby" from disturbingly frequent to nonexistent, and well.... in 3 years all the things God has showed me and how He's refined me. 

Looking back, I can see how I've changed

Merely Freshman

Now with the pressure of January upon me, I'll share my ReSoLuTiOnS!!

*ahem* Yeeehaw!

1. 1. Serve others through cooking, especially my church family. More than likely requiring my mastery of OAMC and acquiring a stand-alone freezer.
   
2. 2. To save money and go visit my family in Brazil!!! How I miss them!! QUE SAUDADE!!
   
3. 3. To put in some major running mileage on my Vibram Bikilas this year. Like 500+ miles for this year at least. Knees don't fail me now!!
   
4. 4. To continue reading the Bible daily, humbly striving for growth and listening for His guidance.
   
5. 5. To KISS DATING GOODBYE and trust in God's timing.
   
6. 6. To not procrastinate my Christmas preparations like I did in 2010!!!!
   
7. 7. To get my smile straightened out with invisalign!
   
8. 8. To write encouraging notes and cards throughout the year. As it turns out, most people have this in common with me: we love encouraging hand-written notes and cards "just because"!!!
   
9. 9. To not be a stumbling block to anyone.
   
10. 10. To look for ways to help others and use my time to serve Jesus. Yes, to go out of my way when an opportunity arises.
    

That's all I have for now... Let the journey begin! May God bless you.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails ~ Proverbs 19:21