Rebuked

"He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise."
-Proverbs 15:31

Loud and clear, I heard it.
I felt that sinking feeling, the one we feel when we're reprimanded in front of the whole class. I messed up.

What I did may sound silly to you. You're probably gonna snicker and think "Helena, that's not even bad." Trust me though, it was.

You know when you go to a restaurant and you order the same thing, because you've had it before and you know how it tastes and what to expect?

I ordered cheese pizza.

Nothing wrong with cheese pizza, but as I looked through the menu, I saw different combinations, different foods, crazy toppings, and I was hungry.
I had decided in my mind that I would try something different, get a little crazy, if you will. Then, as the server took the order, I defaulted back to cheese pizza.


Menus taken away, server out of sight, chatter resumed, and then it hit me.

I found myself waiting for cheese pizza. Seriously?

Enough time passed for me to think about this decision, and I realized that I do this in several areas of my life. I default back to what I feel is familiar, choosing things I feel I can control. When I got home from the race, for example, the first thing I did was apply to a hospital. Why not work at a place I've worked for the last 3 years? That's logical.

However, the Lord has given me an alternate plan and a deeper hunger.

It takes a lot more faith and trust to go on a limb, try new things, allow myself to be surprised, and not order the cheese pizza of life.

Jesus is teaching me that courage.
He keeps assuring me that there is more in store for me than I can imagine and keep trying to choose for myself.
He is daring me to try, to ask, to seek, to knock.


In His rebuke, He said 'you know better than to ask little of me.'

Busted. Rebuked.

More, please. Surprise me. 

The Biggest Loser

I'm no stranger to loss. My pride? Out the window it goes, so very often.
Today I find myself humbled again.
I could hide it, smooth it over, fake a smile, and proceed.
Instead, I choose to stop, pray, and listen to what God wants to make of this.
He's taking away another little piece of me. My hands are raw from holding on, yet God pried it out of my grip. He said "This is my battle to fight." I feel like I've been scolded, disciplined. God raised His voice.
"Enough," He said to me, stunning me, "It's for your good. Let go."

And so I have. He took it away from me, like something a child isn't meant to have.
Dangerous, hurtful, pain-inducing. Not meant for a child of God to hold.
I let go, Lord! Protect me. Shield me. Guide me.

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings - Psalm 17:8

Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me - Psalm 119:133

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5


But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Phil 3:7-9


I want to be the biggest loser.

Good riddance.