Rebuked

"He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise."
-Proverbs 15:31

Loud and clear, I heard it.
I felt that sinking feeling, the one we feel when we're reprimanded in front of the whole class. I messed up.

What I did may sound silly to you. You're probably gonna snicker and think "Helena, that's not even bad." Trust me though, it was.

You know when you go to a restaurant and you order the same thing, because you've had it before and you know how it tastes and what to expect?

I ordered cheese pizza.

Nothing wrong with cheese pizza, but as I looked through the menu, I saw different combinations, different foods, crazy toppings, and I was hungry.
I had decided in my mind that I would try something different, get a little crazy, if you will. Then, as the server took the order, I defaulted back to cheese pizza.


Menus taken away, server out of sight, chatter resumed, and then it hit me.

I found myself waiting for cheese pizza. Seriously?

Enough time passed for me to think about this decision, and I realized that I do this in several areas of my life. I default back to what I feel is familiar, choosing things I feel I can control. When I got home from the race, for example, the first thing I did was apply to a hospital. Why not work at a place I've worked for the last 3 years? That's logical.

However, the Lord has given me an alternate plan and a deeper hunger.

It takes a lot more faith and trust to go on a limb, try new things, allow myself to be surprised, and not order the cheese pizza of life.

Jesus is teaching me that courage.
He keeps assuring me that there is more in store for me than I can imagine and keep trying to choose for myself.
He is daring me to try, to ask, to seek, to knock.


In His rebuke, He said 'you know better than to ask little of me.'

Busted. Rebuked.

More, please. Surprise me. 

James Flashback

Here's a blog I wrote back in October, and it somehow got missed... it's never too late :)

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Today I read the book of James.

I’ve read James a gazillion times (rounding down) and yet things still hit me that I feel like I’ve never noticed before. 

James is addressing the 12 tribes, the name of Jesus is only mentioned one time in verse 1, and it’s written to exhort believers. A lot of people love this book because they go “oh dang, yeah, I’m so busted, I feel so convicted” and that’s the exact point. It hits a lot of hot-topic struggles believers have. 

Starts off with a biggie “consider it PURE JOY when you face trials of many kinds”… whoa James, hang on, you didn’t even warm up, going straight to how I view and handle trials? 

Then going to “don’t doubt when you pray”? Shoot. How do you know me?

Then the reversal of values, how the world views money/status versus how God sees it… then not to blame God or anybody else but myself and my evil desires when I’m being tempted… 

Then my tendency to forget that GOD is the source of everything good and perfect, not somebody else or money or myself or a job or the world. 

Gosh I’m not even through the first chapter and I had to take a minute. 

Plunging back into ‘be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry’… busted busted… okay I don’t get angry that fast… unless it’s month 10 on the race and I’m hungry, sweaty, and exhausted, then maybe I’m easily irritable. Ugh. 

Being a doer of the word, not merely hearing it.

Favoritism.

Truly loving my neighbor.

Letting my actions reflect my faith.

Taming my tongue.

True wisdom.

Wrong motives in prayer.

The choice between God and the world.

Submission and humility to God.

Bragging.

Hoarding of wealth.

Patience in suffering.

Being a person who keeps my word.

Praying effectively and powerfully.

Reconciliation and confrontation of believers who have strayed.

GOOD LORD, that’s a lot to take in from 5 short chapters. I thought about what I could do differently when I get home. 
But then it hit me that I don’t have to wait til I’m home to start. 
We don't have to wait to apply what God teaches us.
There's no better time than now.
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Thank you guys for always reading my blogs :) 
More to come very soon!!!

EPIPHANY

Hmmmmmm how do I word this?
Fantastic?
Amazing?
Miraculous?

You see, God puts people in your life for specific reasons. Only He knew what it would take to break my chains, and well... God provides. God is a God of wrath alright. He understands what it's like to have it. What it would take to say "enough" and turn away and flood the earth, what it will take to bring down the fire. God's wrath is perfect. It's righteous.
Righteous anger is beautiful.
It's freeing. It freed me from some pretty heavy chains.
In freedom, I'm praising God, who has wonderful things in store for me.
God, who will let me reap what I've been sowing. Honesty, Love, Sincerity, Kindness, Forgiveness.
No one whose hope is in You will ever be put to shame.
Today I feel clothed with strength and dignity.
I can laugh at the days to come.
My prayers are heard and answered.
Forgetting what is behind, I press on.
I have inside me a hardened heart, clearly unbroken, full of Christ's righteousness.
I took a hit and I didn't even stumble.
That's what it feels like to have Jesus: power, courage, and, when needed, righteous anger.
Thank you, Compassionate Savior.