Rebuked

"He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise."
-Proverbs 15:31

Loud and clear, I heard it.
I felt that sinking feeling, the one we feel when we're reprimanded in front of the whole class. I messed up.

What I did may sound silly to you. You're probably gonna snicker and think "Helena, that's not even bad." Trust me though, it was.

You know when you go to a restaurant and you order the same thing, because you've had it before and you know how it tastes and what to expect?

I ordered cheese pizza.

Nothing wrong with cheese pizza, but as I looked through the menu, I saw different combinations, different foods, crazy toppings, and I was hungry.
I had decided in my mind that I would try something different, get a little crazy, if you will. Then, as the server took the order, I defaulted back to cheese pizza.


Menus taken away, server out of sight, chatter resumed, and then it hit me.

I found myself waiting for cheese pizza. Seriously?

Enough time passed for me to think about this decision, and I realized that I do this in several areas of my life. I default back to what I feel is familiar, choosing things I feel I can control. When I got home from the race, for example, the first thing I did was apply to a hospital. Why not work at a place I've worked for the last 3 years? That's logical.

However, the Lord has given me an alternate plan and a deeper hunger.

It takes a lot more faith and trust to go on a limb, try new things, allow myself to be surprised, and not order the cheese pizza of life.

Jesus is teaching me that courage.
He keeps assuring me that there is more in store for me than I can imagine and keep trying to choose for myself.
He is daring me to try, to ask, to seek, to knock.


In His rebuke, He said 'you know better than to ask little of me.'

Busted. Rebuked.

More, please. Surprise me. 

It's a good day to be free!

Hey peeps :)

Haven’t typed a theme-less, don't-know-where-this-is-going update blog in a while.


Today is the day.
 

Perks of the day: day off from ministry, and I watched 2 movies, had a couch all to myself, spent absolutely no cash, worked out, took the most refreshing cold shower, and had a great time at our prayer meeting.
 

I got asked if I’m good with commas (yes), and I’m currently mesmerized, watching ants devour the corpses of the bigger bugs I’ve killed a few minutes ago.
 

I enjoyed about 5 minutes of air-conditioning (whoa, treat).
 

My time in the Bible is amazing **still powering through chronologically… if you’re curious as to where I am, David’s just been anointed king of Israel – 1 Chron 12, 2 Sam 5, Psalm 107 ish**
 

God is teaching me so much in this journey, especially about patience and the things I thought I wanted. Much like last year, I got to my birthday and realized none of my plans were right.
 

That’s okay.

I’m serving the Lord!
 

I have around 7 months to make a decision of my “next step” and I know God has me by the hand. God is raising my standards and opening up my eyes to His power and His will for me. 
  

Way back when, I learned Jeremiah 29:11 at VBS and sang songs about God having plans for each person. Then I arrived in the “real world” and I bought into a different gospel:

Get this kind of job. Earn money. Buy stuff. Find love. Feel happy.

Trust in God, but… take matters into my own hands.

I didn’t really rely on God.

I prayed. I thanked Him.
Then I’d find myself in a pit, crying out.

He’d get me out. And repeat.

I’d sit back and wonder how on earth so many bad things could happen to me, oblivious to the fact I’d been making all those choices and putting myself in those situations.

Lo and behold, once I began submitting to God, my life started to change.

Not a “prosperity gospel” kind of change, but something similarly amazing:

Big changes seemed possible. Crazy stuff seemed possible. I did things I never thought were possible for me. Me, a missionary? I’m not good enough! I’m chosen? Seriously? How am I supposed to leave my family? They need me! 

Then I looked around and saw that God had relieved me from my burdens.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matt 11:28

I came to Him and He truly gave me rest. Funny definition of rest, Lord!

He took away the burdens I’d put on myself. I was no longer in charge of helping my brother, as he was all set in college. I was no longer bound to my past.

I was ransomed.
 

Every relationship I tried to settle for crumbled.

God was determined to have His will in my life. I invited Him further. I asked for His intervention, and He answered. He’s faithful! He spared me from a lot of harm.

He has better things in mind, bigger things.

There’s more to go through so I can fully appreciate what’s to come. There are opportunities that only God will present. His hand will be all over it.

Meanwhile, I’m 25, serving the Lord as a missionary, and traveling the world with a backpack and a squad of 40 lunatics for Jesus.

I’m learning to appreciate the little things in life.
I’m finding contentment with my lot, my today.

I make jokes, watch bugs, and I’m good with commas.
I’m still a goofy weirdo.


The difference is that God’s word is sweet as dessert to me. I crave it. I love it. In His Word, He reveals to me why His plans are better, His ways are higher, and His timing is flawless. I truly trust Him. I humbly submit.
 

“Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.” Ps 107:15-16

It’s a good day to be free!
 

God bless yall! I miss yall. Can’t wait to see your faces, and hug you again. Pray for me, as I’m in a spiritually dark country, boldly bringing light.

 

Faithfully His,

Helena

Little Update

Hey yall :)
Here's a short update on my life!

I'm still in El Salvador!
Thus far I've preached twice, shared bits of my testimony to a church a couple of times, and done some major crazy dancing to amuse the kiddos here. I learned how to make a balloon dog, and I'm excited to attempt more random balloon artistry (insert dry humor here).
I'm finishing Acts tomorrow, and praying about what God wants me to read next.

Be in prayer for me and my heart. I've been feeling more confident with ministry, yet feeling really insecure in my personal life. I honestly wish God would just tell me the plan, but that's not how He works most of the time. Lord knows I gotta work on my patience and just trust Him, and that's exactly what's happening right now. Also pray for me to be more perceptive of my team and their needs.
I praise God for these character-building situations, but prayer is appreciated :)

Love and miss you guys!
Blessings,

Helena

Immeasurably More

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21


I can tell you this morning that God has been doing immeasurably more than all I asked or imagined in my life.

I am being encouraged and prayed for by more people than I ever thought possible.


God has provided a home church that not only loves me, but wants to send me as a missionary and support me.


My heart is so full of compassion right now. I'm ready to share His love with others.


The Lord has been equipping me and teaching me more about the gifts He's given me.


God has brought somebody into my life who is very very special. I got to hear from him again today. What a joy.


I saw the sun rise over the ocean this morning, and I felt a renewed sense of peace that He's at work for me, for my good, and that I need to rest in this peace. Everything will come together. He reassured me with Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."


God is so faithful. I'm overwhelmed by His grace in my life.
You know well, dear friends and family, that I've gone through really terrible hardships, for the glory of God.


Had I not gone through those trials, I'd never understand or come to trust in Jesus like I do now. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4


"As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy." James 5:11


Because He is so compassionate and merciful, He made the twisted roads lead to where I am today.


Right here, I'm SO happy. I know trying times will come again, but wow. In this glorious morning, my heart is full. I can feel His hand leading me through. I trust His beautiful timeline.  I praise Him wholeheartedly.


I cried tears of joy this morning, for the glory of God.
My Creator has plans to prosper me, not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. It no longer matters to me whether these plans have anything to do with what I hoped for myself, because I trust that the Creator of my heart knows what I need and will continue to do immeasurably more for me than I can ask or imagine, for His glory.

Deeply in Prayer

Hi friends and family :)


I'm experiencing an earth-shaking, rumbling feeling that God is bringing change in my life.
His calling is getting louder. For a while I've known He wants me to move from Temple.
My question is "where to, Lord?"


I tried to ask my friends (shout out to my dear friend, Hubba Hubba! Thank you for making me laugh myself silly!!)... where would they go if the world was their oyster at 24 years old?
Answers I received: Columbia, Atlanta, NYC, San Francisco, Portland, Chicago, Orlando, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, Oklahoma City, Seattle, Boston, and anywhere in Hawaii. Didn't help.


I felt a pull toward NYC and Boston, thought I'd put out some feelers, see if God threw open any doors for me. I got a call from the #1 hospital in NYC, they have my resume. In Texas we'd say "they're a-lookin, and they're a-likin"... but I respect my family and they have a lot of concerns for me going up there. The verse that struck me this morning was in Romans, chapter 12, verse 2.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- His good, pleasing and perfect will.

I am getting called to leave Temple, but not to get a comfortable job somewhere else. I know it's gonna get complicated. I know I'm gonna have a lot of questions that won't be answered until God provides. I have to trust that He will.  I have to trust that things won't fall apart without me here. I have to trust that things will fall in place when I get back. God is calling me to do missionary work. Yes, to quit my incredible job for a more rewarding one, leave behind my amazing car (or sell it?) to be the feet that bring good news, sell my comfortable furniture to be able to sit next to little ones and hold them, and stop living a life conformed to the pattern of this world, a life all about me and what I want, and instead become a worker for God's harvest. I'm trusting in the One who is really in charge. He will provide. He will keep me safe. He will direct my steps. He will not forsake me. I have nothing to worry about, because I have nothing I value or love more than God. I surrender all.


I'm deeply in prayer, hence my writer's block. My plans have changed. My plans are no longer my own. It's an uncomfortable feeling, no control. Just trust. It's also exciting and there's a peace about it that I can't explain. Please be in prayer about when and where I am going. There is a trip I'm praying about in particular, and I will consult two of the ladies in the church first, then go to the pastors about it. I'll tell you more when He lets me know!


To be continued...