Rebuked

"He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise."
-Proverbs 15:31

Loud and clear, I heard it.
I felt that sinking feeling, the one we feel when we're reprimanded in front of the whole class. I messed up.

What I did may sound silly to you. You're probably gonna snicker and think "Helena, that's not even bad." Trust me though, it was.

You know when you go to a restaurant and you order the same thing, because you've had it before and you know how it tastes and what to expect?

I ordered cheese pizza.

Nothing wrong with cheese pizza, but as I looked through the menu, I saw different combinations, different foods, crazy toppings, and I was hungry.
I had decided in my mind that I would try something different, get a little crazy, if you will. Then, as the server took the order, I defaulted back to cheese pizza.


Menus taken away, server out of sight, chatter resumed, and then it hit me.

I found myself waiting for cheese pizza. Seriously?

Enough time passed for me to think about this decision, and I realized that I do this in several areas of my life. I default back to what I feel is familiar, choosing things I feel I can control. When I got home from the race, for example, the first thing I did was apply to a hospital. Why not work at a place I've worked for the last 3 years? That's logical.

However, the Lord has given me an alternate plan and a deeper hunger.

It takes a lot more faith and trust to go on a limb, try new things, allow myself to be surprised, and not order the cheese pizza of life.

Jesus is teaching me that courage.
He keeps assuring me that there is more in store for me than I can imagine and keep trying to choose for myself.
He is daring me to try, to ask, to seek, to knock.


In His rebuke, He said 'you know better than to ask little of me.'

Busted. Rebuked.

More, please. Surprise me. 

These are a few of my favorite things...

Brown paper packages tied up with strings? Nah...

These are a few of my favorite things...

go ahead and hit play, and read'em :)



Needtobreathe on a mellow day


Worship in a foreign language


When I can't escape the rain, that moment I just accept I'm getting soaked and start playing


Deep, roaring, belly-aching laughter


Hearing love stories, hope stories, healing, miracles


Evenings when I stay up because my human brain and heart can barely take in God's goodness and love for me


Times I think about my grandfather, cherish the memory of him, and the earth-shaking joy of seeing him again in heaven floods me


Thanksgiving food


Cake


Oh since I'm on food, beans and rice, baby!


Screaming at the tv when the team scores


When a new song starts and it's that song and everybody points at each other


My God's not dead, He's surely alive, and He's living on the inside, roaring like a lion!


When art captivates me


The colors of the sky


Laying on a blanket to watch the clouds on a windy day


Hammock and the stars


Dancing to silly songs


Scream-singing in the car... or anywhere when I'm feeling goofy


The shoulder-shimmy


When my friends ask me to make puns for them, and use my puns as album titles and cd titles


Remembering I will see God with my own eyes (Job 19:25-27)


Cooking for others


Unexpected, instantaneous, good surprises


Being told the Holy Spirit is visible inside me


Cold showers


Worship songs with any variation of the word "rise"


When my feet get dirty, and I wash them, and without fail, every single time, I think of Jesus and His humility


Run-on sentences, because I write how I speak


Knowing, even on a pretty bad day, that my Daddy in Heaven thinks I'm absolutely lovely


Hearing again and again the story about how I once drank shampoo when I was 3, and when I spoke bubbles would come out


Hugging my grandma


Awkwardness, especially if I can capture it in a picture


Coconut water


Homemade things


Laughing uncontrollably at my own jokes


Reading


Hearts busted open, poured out, surrendered


When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, "Woman, you are set free from your infirmity." Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.- Luke 13:12-13


How the Word of God always hits me, and I love it, and I crave it


When Daddy gives me a new family called Team Tharros, and we automatically love and take care of each other


The wind on my face when I run


Affection


Remembering my Spongebob phase in high school... everything was Spongebob...


Holding a sleeping baby


Airports, airplanes, and airplane food


Tweeting absolute silliness, even though I know Pastor Dave follows me


Blind trust in my Daddy


Listening to testimonies


Walking into an elevator and smelling A&F Fierce ahhh


Freedom


Writing from my heart


Knowing he's waiting for me with the same anticipation for God's timing


Playing Guitar Hero/Rock Band drums


Kids, kids, kids, kids, kids


Sitting on the beach, watching the waves break

Knowing my church loves me this much


Bathroom humor


Taking pictures


You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my JOY!


My beautiful friends, who will undoubtedly keep up with me while I'm around the world


Having my old friends say "I know you've changed and that person isn't you anymore".... Thank You Lord


Listening to my various family members snore :)


Songs on repeat


Getting to meet El Salvadoreans and share the gospel of Christ in less than a month


Knowing these little things are blessings from the Lord and these listed are just a small glimpse of the thanksgiving in my heart and the way He has wired me. Thank You Daddy.

My Hemisfears

Today I'm taking the time to be thankful and to pray away the fears I have.I'm sitting in tropical paradise, but indoors. I have the A/C on and a blanket. I have my headphones on. If I close my eyes, I could literally pretend I'm right back in my room in Texas. And yeah, I've been doing that... often.
The culture shock is overwhelming sometimes. Road names I should remember, and words I shouldn't have forgotten, the hand gestures I haven't seen in use, and the people are always always on the go. My goodness. There is no chill day around here. 
So today was a lot like being back home (aside from eating 3 guavas). 
I chilled, watched a movie, caught up on my one show, read, and just rested. I got to stop and think.
I'd be putting God's will for me in a tiny little box if I said "I will do this" or "I will do that" or "I will come back and live here" or "I will come back and live there"..... because the awesome thing about God.... He can put me anywhere, really! I can learn a brand new language. I can learn to drive a stick shift. I can learn to haggle for bananas (and I don't even like bananas). I can. And I will. When I know what it is that He needs me to do. 
As it is, I have no idea. I have all these feelings and hunches and notions that I am praying about so fiercely. 

Guide me, Lord! Reveal Your thoughts to me, God! Here I am! At Your feet, Your servant. Wherever You need me. I have few belongings. I have a big heart. Most of all, I have freedom. But Daddy, I am Yours. I hand over my plans, I don't want them. They terrify me. Anything against Your perfect will terrifies me. I am scared to fall on my face yet again. Just please guide me, Lord. 
I know for 11 months exactly where I need to be. 
I'll be a 25 year old. This culture here solely revolves around family.
Daddy You know my heart.
You know where I need to be a year from now. 
Please don't let me get lost. Please don't let me get hurt. Please don't let me wind up on the wrong hemisphere, out of fear. Loud and clear, Daddy.
I love You so much. 


Friends & family, please keep me in your prayers as God places people in my life for my good and reveals to me where He needs me to be.

Sinking!!!

This may be one of the fastest blogs I ever write, but it is burning in my heart to write it riiiiight now. I have to be at the clinic in 24 to 39 minutes, approximately, so with about 12 minutes of driving time, I better type fast.


Jesus walked on water to the boat where the disciples were. This is when Jesus let Peter do something amazing. He got to walk on water. But watch what happens.


“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
   “Come,” he said.
   Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:28-31)


 Today I experienced something I have only experienced once. One time in college I was super sick and I hurt all over and I prayed that God would heal me and I felt a million times better, instantly. Haven't told many people about it, because to me it was a really personal experience.
Well today I woke up with a painful sore throat. My voice was HORRIBLE. I sounded like a gargling bullfrog. A dear, strong friend encouraged me to pray for healing. I did... and whoa buddy. I swallowed and it didn't hurt. I could speak without the gargle. It was nuts. It was too big for me to wrap my mind around. So I started to kind of test it. I started straining my voice. I touched my throat. I doubted it!!!!
And then slowly but surely I started to hurt again. I was so confused. I thought "well there goes that, that was strange".... then on the way home I thought of Peter in the water.



I feel like that's exactly what I did. When God answers you and grants you something miraculous that is only through God and His power, don't look around! Don't second-guess it. Just worship Him and give Him the glory. Don't let reason or fear cloud you. I got home and I prayed again, this time for forgiveness. That I doubted! That I was of little faith.


I'm about to go volunteer at the Clinic, and my throat feels fine :)
I couldn't even talk this morning, much less swallow, drink anything... and I've been singing all afternoon. My God answered a really bold prayer because I had the faith to ask. Sometimes God doesn't answer us the way we want, but wow I praise Him for answering me today, and I wanted to share with everyone what I experienced.


Love you all.