LETTER TO MY STALKER

DEAR DOUG,

You have to stop showing up at my work unannounced, “just because.”  

I know you’re trying to be sweet and surprise me, but it’s starting to affect me.  You know I want you but I can't have you. Every time you come by, I find myself resisting the urge to chew you out! I get a feeling in my stomach when you’re around, and it’s hard to fight it. It's not easy knowing everybody loves you at my job, either. I know you’re a sweetie, well-rounded, you always smell good, and yes I’m VERY attracted to you! Doug, don’t get me wrong, but you’re making yourself too available here! And I know that you’re no good for me or my heart in the long run. My plate is full right now and I don’t need you adding to it! I’m training for my third marathon, and I’m focusing on making better choices.  

Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.

STOP SHOWING UP AT MY JOB FOR BREAKFAST, 

DOUGHNUT!!

I LIKE YOU, BUT I CAN'T HAVE YOU!!!!

 Sincerely,

                      Helena

Ps: now read it again, so you can acknowledge my pun-making haha

The Biggest Loser

I'm no stranger to loss. My pride? Out the window it goes, so very often.
Today I find myself humbled again.
I could hide it, smooth it over, fake a smile, and proceed.
Instead, I choose to stop, pray, and listen to what God wants to make of this.
He's taking away another little piece of me. My hands are raw from holding on, yet God pried it out of my grip. He said "This is my battle to fight." I feel like I've been scolded, disciplined. God raised His voice.
"Enough," He said to me, stunning me, "It's for your good. Let go."

And so I have. He took it away from me, like something a child isn't meant to have.
Dangerous, hurtful, pain-inducing. Not meant for a child of God to hold.
I let go, Lord! Protect me. Shield me. Guide me.

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings - Psalm 17:8

Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me - Psalm 119:133

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5


But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Phil 3:7-9


I want to be the biggest loser.

Good riddance.

BIG KISS

Oh I love love love that I'm from Brazil because we are very warm, affectionate people.
Not only do we wear much less clothing, but we hug AND kiss as greetings/goodbyes. Yes, perfect strangers, we kiss them on the cheek. TWICE. Three times if you're a single woman wanting to be married (supposed to help your luck haha).
We also don't just stop there. This is really what prompted my writing. Talking on the internet with people in Brazil, we also send virtual kisses as closers. yes. Kisses to you! Big kiss to you!!! Many kisses to your mother!! A little kiss and a big hug to you!

It made me laugh a lot.
So, with that said,

a big kiss to you! big kisses to your mother!

Hankerin!

Hey yall :)
Goodness... it's been a long time since I've put something on here. Yes, a week to me is a long time. I've had the hankerin to write so many times but I have been keeping so busy, and work has been busier too.

I guess updates are in order, eh?

I've been devoting a lot of my time to what we would call in Brazil "matando a saudade" which means to kill the missing feeling. So visiting friends that I miss :) You know you have true friends when it's been a long time yet you just catch right back up. I hate that we're all so busy. I really do. Let's all go back to the dorms and be neighbors again? haha no, we've grown up. It's a beautiful thing, but bittersweet.

My brother and I are spending lots of quality time :) we went to Six Flags last weekend and last night we watched a movie and I made empanadas for dinner! It's fun to have him around and he keeps me company now that Ruth is gone to Africa. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do when he goes back to Austin. I don't know where I want to live, or who I want to live with, or what I want to do. Hurray! There's lots of room for God to work here, and that much is really exciting. I miss the heck out of my parents. Definitely going to fix that. It's hard because I get home and I just want to stay home! I have no excuse, they're 15 minutes down the road. My aunt and I skyped and it was FANTASTIC. God bless technology. All the way in Brazil and the video quality was pretty good!

On the Skype note, I skyped with Thomas (went to high school with him) all the way in Iraq! Skype is the coolest thing. I got to see him! Pray he's safe out there, please? He's gonna be home soon!!

As far as working out, I've been exhausted lately. I lucked out that I work this weekend because I don't think I could wing a 14-miler right now. I need to get back on the horse!!

On a super exciting note, I caught up on sleep! I know, wow.

If you're all holding your breaths for a romantic update, there's no news.

I'm officially a member of my church, the Vista! It feels so nice to belong to a church family again. As far as my walk with Christ goes, I've been keeping up, reading everyday, and He's definitely working in my life right now. It's safe to say that only God knows!! But how exciting that He has plans for me, and my heart is joyful in hope. He's gonna bring exactly what I need, when I need it. I lack nothing. What I need, I have in Christ. A lot of my anxiety and my worries went out the window in this last week. This is probably why I've been so quiet. It's a little bittersweet but I do praise God for taking something out of my life (at least for a time) to show me I don't really need it. I'm really focused right now. Standing strong... a little on the guarded side, but I think it's for my benefit. I have my friends and family rallying beside me like never before. My church family is so strong and encouraging. I have people asking me questions, asking for prayer, and I get to see God unfold hearts the way only He can do. I'm assisting in heart surgery :)

And in turn, I ask that you, friends and family and internet creepers, keep me in your prayers as well. Pray for God's direction for my life, and timing for my family. Pray for safety and the unfolding hearts of my friends, seeking wisdom. Pray that they find the truth and grace of Christ. Pray that I trust God's vision for my life and have a grateful, content, non-lonely heart.

He does listen kindly and lovingly to prayer. It's okay to be clingy, God can handle it :)

That's all I have for now. There's some funny stuff I have to post! These wheels never stop spinning, I tell ya.

Love you all so very much


-Helena

One Step Too Far

I have a problem :) it's more of a quirk, alas it's still odd.

I go just one step too far.

Perfect example:
--------------------------------------------------------
****At Work****

Helena: I'm going down to the cafeteria to get a salad
Boss: Oh you couldn't pay me to eat there
Helena: Ha yeah? I like their salad bar!
Boss: Well be ready to find a bandaid in your food.
Helena: LOL that's my favorite part!

**** should have stopped there, but I went one step too far****

Helena: I found one once that was still sticky! I put it on my paper cut! WINNING!
Boss: .......
*awkward moment*
Helena: Okay I'll be back in a few. *leave the lab*
----------------------------------------------------------

So you see what I'm talking about?

Comfort Food

This is a short rant about comfort food.


I didn't know what that even meant until I came to the USA.
There should be nothing particularly comfortable about EATING JUNK!!!!!!!


"mmm knowing this is going straight to my hips is so comforting"


I hate that the culture associates hardships/heartache/bad days/stress with unhealthy carby food.


We'd all feel SO MUCH BETTER if we had a healthy meal and got up off the couch and maybe took a walk outside. Just saying. GO RUN!


And how much healthier would this nation be if there was ever any driving emotion to go eat a salad?
Pick one, America!!


Food for thought.


EDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This article was shared with me by a complete stranger, who called me arrogant :)

http://www.gilttaste.com/stories/622-explaining-the-psychology-of-comfort-food


May I point out that the CULTURE of thinking that
"When we feel endangered, unsung and/or lonesome, we eat."
is UNHEALTHY and it a huge reason why AMERICA is the UNHEALTHIEST country in the WORLD. 
I'm a scientist, graduated with honors. My aunt is a Nutritionist. I run marathons and I LOVE cooking. Here's the deal: when deciding what you eat, you are making a conscious choice. You shouldn't let your emotions decide what you eat. Food is fuel for your body. When you "INDULGE" and you let that be the deciding factor of what goes in YOUR personal mouth, you are choosing to belong to a culture that no longer regards health as the top priority.


I'm not insulting anybody. People insult their own bodies, their own health. That's probably why people get so defensive. Eat at your own risk. If people out there TRULY believe that food is "the friend who never disappoints or ditches us" well they need to see a professional about that because food is not your friend, or your enemy! Food is nourishment. I'm not denying the pleasure factor of enjoying food! Food is delicious and enjoyable! I'm saying that the consumption of unhealthy foods for the sole purpose of FEELING BETTER WHEN YOU'RE UPSET/STRESSED is a poor, cultural choice. You should eat several small meals a day, drink lots of water, and exercise. That's science. Get educated.

Accountability

My accountability and encouragement needs are being met beautifully

Thank You God!!!

I wanted to jump for joy tonight as I checked my email and got yet another reply from my new friend, Rebekah. I met her somewhat briefly in South Carolina during the wedding rehearsal. We talked before it started and then continued to quietly talk during the rehearsal. Her husband was the officiating pastor for the wedding. She shared with me about her kids and her story, and I shared (of course) all about me and where I am in my walk with Christ. I asked her if she had facebook and she said no, but she did have an email address. We talked about exchanging emails but didn't do so that night.

After the wedding, she had a slip of paper ready to go for me with her email address! Then she introduced me to her kids and we all left for the reception. After that was all over, we said our goodbyes and that was that.

Well since then we've been emailing back and forth, with updates, scripture, and prayer requests :) I'm so thankful to God that, like she said "we bonded as only sisters in Christ could!"

I'm excited! I'm also building better friendships with the women in my church. How amazing to have them share their lives and their walks with me, and love me. It's SO nice to feel plugged in.

I feel like I'm definitely on a "high" point in life right now, and I know that all these people are rejoicing with me and praying for me, and vice-versa. It's a blessing to know that if and when I hit a hardship, they'll also be there for me.

To me there's a big difference between a friend and a person I would consider a mentor. The difference is mainly age, life experience, and overall God-given wisdom. I love my friends, and I'm so very very thankful for each one of them, but the accountability from mentors is absolutely necessary at this point in my relationship with Christ. I'm pouring into that right now. I'm making every effort to keep growing and pruning away at what needs to change in me. Please be in prayer that this continues to happen! From last year to now, I feel like a different person altogether. For one, my smile is genuine :) my heart is lighter, relieved by forgiveness, reassured by grace, and healed by God's mercy. I feel strong, or better yet, I feel empowered.

I love you, O Lord, my strength. ~Psalm 18:1

Overflows

I praise You! Not only do You provide, but my cup overflows. I can’t keep it inside, and it spills over onto my cheeks. I cry so easily! I praise You, God.
Praise You, that this time these are happy tears.
I’ve still got a lot to learn about joy, about thankfulness, and while I've praised You in the hard times, my God, how beautiful and lovely it is to be able to praise You now, when my heart is so full.
I didn’t doubt it would come... but this is more than I had imagined. Thank You, Father.
Now to try to sleep.
Calm me down.
Oh how loved I am and how I love You, my God.

Love Remains

Despite feelings, moods, circumstances, temporary troubles, miscommunications, and doubts, one thing remains... Love. It's a strong, stubborn, beautiful, steady, willful, often blind choice. It sticks. It fights. It wins. 

Love conquers fear. 
Love conquers everything. 
Love is there regardless. 
Love sees every flaw but says "I'm bigger." 
Love withstands rejection and betrayal. 
It brushes the dirt off and gets back up. 
Love doesn't shrink back when things get tough. 
Love handles pain bravely. 
Love is confident through uncertainty. 
Love stays constant when feelings falter. 
Love instantly forgives. 
Love has long forgotten the wrongs. 
Love looks past the past, seizes the present, and guarantees the future. 
Love goes through hell with eyes focused on heaven. 
Love is no matter what, no matter when, no matter how. 
Love is. 
Love will always be.

Love is a gift from God. He taught it to us.
We've tarnished it with our conditions.
God shows us His unfailing love, and with all my heart I want my love to never fail.
So help me God, it won't.

I love you and I always will

Perception of Time

I was thinking deeply about how different my perception of time is now versus oh say back in high school.
I used to be busy busy all the time, having my hand in every cookie jar, juggling school, work, friends, sports, band, one-act play, every club imaginable, volunteering, church, family, and a boyfriend. And days would FLY!

I remember back then I didn't have a real cell phone! When I did have one, it was a pre-paid emergency one, and texting had yet to become what it is today. It hadn't grown to be my out-of-body organ that it seems to be now. Sometimes I really miss those simpler days. I remember calling my friends' house phone and asking to speak to them. People were paranoid about "chat rooms" haha

Now time just ticks by rather slowly for me. I never thought I'd say this, but I have too much free time. I feel very selfish with it, and I'm on the brink of doing something big about it. God will show me exactly the way to go, but I have an inkling of an idea. Granted I am training for a marathon (my third!) and I do volunteer at a christian clinic once a month, I still feel this awful longing to give more of my time to God and to others. I've been pouring into other people's lives. I've been trying to be a better friend. I watch MUCH LESS tv than I used to during my first year out of college (yay!) and I don't feel the need to catch up on the billion shows I'm behind on. But now I also hold people very accountable for the passage of time. I notice this more closely than I ever have before.

This is where my patience hits me. I think I'm struggling with patience because I have too much time on my hands. This is a lesson God is slowly unraveling for me.
Since I can remember, I've always been the "I want it all, and I want it now" person. Having gone through the rollercoaster of affliction, I appreciate things SO much more. This last week I had some "woohoo" moments where... well.. I screamed "woohoo" like some kind of idiot but it felt fitting. Overwhelmed by joy. There are days when I think "life can't get any better than this" and sadly I conclude I was correct, that the next day is dreadfully plain compared to the previous. But every single day is a gift from my wonderful God, and my hope is to use each one wisely.

If I could have my time tallied up, I'd want "honoring God" to top facebook, and "doing things for others" to top "waiting on others to do something for me."  I want to be more thoughtful and less selfish. I want to bring good, not harm, all the days of my life :) I want to open my arms to the poor. I want to laugh at the days to come. Ahh I want all the "I want to"s to line up with what God wants me to do.

So now I think it's time for me to pray about this time thing. I'm 24 years old. He has me here, single for a purpose. What do you want me to do with my time, Lord? And where? Here am I :)

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12

T4 Series : #1 Toothpaste

My, Helena, what is this gibberish in your title?
T4 stands for Thankful For, but it's a cooler, shorter, and more confusing way to write it.
In this random series, I will pick something I am currently very thankful for and expand upon it, historically and also in my dry-humor style of writing. Let me follow the WHOA method.
Why
History
Observation
Application

Thankful For #1: TOOTHPASTE

WHY
We are gross without it. It makes my teeth white and shiny, it makes my breath fresh, while preventing cavities! It's wonderful.

HISTORY
To sum it up, toothpaste didn't get good until the early 1900s. Before that, you'd be dealing with chalk, bricks, or salt in your mouth. That's pretty disgusting.

OBSERVATION
After brushing your teeth, supposedly orange juice tastes horrible. This is due to a chemical reaction. And oddly enough, apples are supposed to taste better after brushing your teeth. Aw now I want to go try it!

APPLICATION
To me, it's best on my teeth/mouth. I have used toothpaste to clean silver, however, and it worked brilliantly. We aren't supposed to swallow toothpaste because of Fluoride, which is toxic in larger volumes and can cause diarrhea and nausea.

There yall have it. T4 #1 complete.

Considering Things

I'm such a book nerd that I'll be reading one book and it makes a reference to another book and off I go in a tangent into the other book. I'm currently reading My Name is Memory by Ann Brashares... which is so far very interesting, very fictional, but alas the science fiction love-story historical nerdiness of it is just enough to hook me into page-turning bliss. In it was a Lewis Carroll quote about memory... "it's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards" and I liked this quite a bit. So much that I looked it up... and read the chapter of the book it's from... which so happens to be the sequel to Alice in Wonderland, called Through the Looking Glass. Now you see how nerdy I am? That's nothing. It gets so much worse. Here's a passage from that same chapter that I really liked and wanted to write about :)


'Oh, don't go on like that!' cried the poor Queen, wringing her hands in despair. 'Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a long way you've come to-day. Consider what o'clock it is. Consider anything, only don't cry!'

Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her tears. 'Can you keep from crying by considering things?' she asked.

'That's the way it's done,' the Queen said with great decision: 'nobody can do two things at once, you know.'


I get caught focusing on the current situation and I forget to "consider things" :) What a long way I've come. Rather, what a long way God has brought me. What a crazy journey, through which He's refined me. He's put me through the furnace of affliction. He's tested my faith in every direction. I fail to take into consideration the various ways He's delivered me. Some of my most random prayers have been answered beautifully. He gives me a hand, and I want the arm. I scream "NEXT!" I'm the drive-thru person in "Dude where's my car" saying "and then" over and over to God and to others :/ NO AND THEN!

I am more than thankful for what He's given me. I need to rejoice in this current state of bliss, and reflect on how wonderfully merciful my God has been to me and my fearful heart.  This reaction of jumping on to the next expectation is obviously a reflex to my being very very fearful. Bear with me. I'm very confident as a person, because I'm very confident in my God, who carries me! But I've never been down this road before. I've never felt like this in my entire life. It's a very new territory, it's frankly breath-takingly beautiful. It's also big. It's epic. It's deep. It's very real. The fact I'm in it glorifies God. But wow. I have to keep reassuring myself that God would not start a good work in my life and not follow through. God always follows through. That He wouldn't bring me here were it not for a bigger purpose. The loving God who formed my heart with His hands would not let it break beyond repair. Man, that's a lot of trust.

Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it! Take also my future, and my hopes, and my goals, and my dreams. Sort through it, I know it's a mess. I tried to put some post-its and I highlighted some of it, so it stands out to You, but honestly only You know what's really important and what will come through. Do with my life what You will. Take me to where You need me. In every part, good or bad, let me give You praise.

What I want, at the end of this day/week/month/life, is to be that woman that loves Jesus more than anything else. Prepare me to be that woman that is worth more than rubies! A woman that brings good, not harm, all the days of her life. When You deem me ready, Lord, You'll bring me to the next step. No more "and then," just a patient, thankful heart is all I want for today.

So this is my lesson in contentment, patience, and the art of considering things.

Consider anything, only don't cry!

Love Me a Challenge

I'm big on taking on big projects. I love me a challenge. I like to know the odds are slim, and it thrills me to attempt. Even more, it thrills me to succeed. This boldness can be used for good, for God, for His kingdom. It can also lead to long-term problems. With success, I get this rush of pride. With failure, I feel inadequate. Neither glorify God. I'm learning to let God bring me what He wants me to do. I now pray about whether these "projects" would glorify Him. If so, bring'em, Lord!  :)

Ecclesiastes has a ton to say about this. It hits home to me every single time. It sounds like me.

"I undertook great projects..." Ecc 2:4

To paraphrase..... I built great things. I thrived at creating and designing. I was more powerful and wealthier than others around me. I gathered up a fortune. I did anything I wanted to. I never said no to myself.- Ecc 2:4-10


this part is the punchline....

"Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." Ecc 2:11


And it's true... the emptiness that comes after a "great success"... I always think of Olympic champions or record-setters. I think "well what now?!" and there is this great emptiness. You can keep repeating what you're doing, you can try to improve regardless of how unlikely. Ultimately... you run out. You realize setting a new goal doesn't really help. You're just going to end up right back where you started. Only God can bring us happiness.


Here's my encouragement:

"A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without Him, who can eat and find enjoyment? To the man that pleases Him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." Ecc 2:24-26


The word of God is so powerful. 

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecc 3:11