The Spotless Bride

I'm in Tanzania. 

It's after midnight and we start ministry tomorrow. I'm typing as quietly as I can, which is a pain because my poor keyboard has endured various spills, including the great red wine incident of 2011, nearly ruining the a, s, z, left ctrl, and left shift keys. 

Our bus rides here were relatively safe. The first was awesome...

 

 

             Travel buddy: my favorite Chinese-Canadian, Miss Peggy Cheng.

 

But oh that second bus was horrible. I had a lady's butt on me for 6 hours. 

                     Travel buddy: total stranger, Miss New Booty. I found you!

Note to self, dive for the window seat, avoid aisle at all costs. Apparently pinterest does not have an easy, fun, creative way to disinfect one's shoulder. Somebody needs to pin that, stat. I'm sticking with bar soap and desperate prayers.

But here's what the blog's all about :)

Today I stood in one of the coolest churches I've ever been to. 

Mind you, I've been to the "Baptidome" Prestonwood, and I've been to super hipster churches in Denver, Austin, DFW, etc... but something was different about this Tanzanian church.

It had walls and a roof. The inside was painted a weathered Tiffany's blue. 

As for doors, it had none. Windows were just big holes on the wall, through which the children outside played peek-a-boo with me, popping up and down with their beautiful smiles and heavenly giggles. There were no pews or chairs, but merely sand on the ground. The stage was small, just a raised cement step at the front. There were no paintings, no banners, no decorations, yet it was beautiful. The only attention-catcher was the thick presence of the Holy Spirit, blowing through the room. There was no sound system, for it is not needed here. People just listen. There was no lights show, for it is not needed here. People just come to church because they realize they need God. It's not about the building at all.

It was humbling to be reminded of this.

Behold, the spotless bride of Christ:

Upendo sana (much love),

Helena

Kenya feel the love tonight

Jambo, yall!

Yeah, I've managed another ridiculous title with "kenya" in it. I love Kenya.
Right now it's raining hard, and I've managed to score 175 in Entanglement (not my highest score, but it's decent). I'm sleeping indoors tonight, in the top bunk. I already miss my tent, but it's warmer indoors, and my throat needs to heal. Please say a little prayer that I don't fall off this bed.

It's chilly here at night, and, although I've had no health issues here thus far, I woke up this morning with no voice whatsoever. I sounded like the wind when I talked haha and the funny part is that I had been asked to sing during worship, and I had to preach. So I ended up just mouthing the words on stage, without a microphone, and being a "motivator" since I popcorn around during worship like a weirdo... apparently this is cool in world race culture hahaha. Then I managed to preach with a microphone, booming my screechy hoarse voice through the church.

I preached this morning on forgiveness. God really put it on my heart to talk about it to these kids, because they used to live in the streets, and surely they've had their share of "they done me wrong" rooted in their hearts. I talked about how when someone sins against you, they plant a seed in your heart. Sometimes it's bad enough that they plant a whole tree in our hearts. But we have to ask God to help us take it out, because who can uproot a tree by themselves, right? :) We talked a bunch about forgiveness, and in the end they prayed the Lord's Prayer in Swahili. I told them to listen to the words they were saying, and how important it is to forgive since God forgives us as we forgive others.

My favorite things this month... sunsets, big hugs, teary smiles, avocados, tent movies, my ever-growing trust in God and His perfect provision. Oh and what He's doing in my heart!

It's month 8... it still delights me to think back to this exact time last year... I had no idea I was coming on the race! I got accepted on September 1st, so up until then I still wasn't sure. You can look back, if you wanna creep, and look at my blogs from last year. I blogged a lot. Some are funny, some are serious, duh.

The sunsets in Kenya are incredible. And hate to break it to ya, Texas, but the stars at night are big and bright in Kenya haha. The stars here are incredible. I haven't seen a shooting star yet, but I have not yet ventured with a blanket to watch the stars (who am I?! That's usually the first thing I do!) By 7:30 pm I'm tired!

I love teaching Bible, I love drawing randomness on the board with chalk. I taught on Jesus calming the storm, and I drew out the boat and the disciples on the boat with sad faces and Jesus snoring, and the waves. It was ridiculous, but the kids were laughing. I went up to a kid and shook up his chair, asked him if he thought he could sleep through a storm :) mornings are fun, full of laughter and doodling.

Afternoons, however, are full of tears. Counseling. So much pain and bottled up emotions in these kids. It blesses me that they trust me and the other mzungus with their stories and struggles, and that they let us pray for them. My counseling kids are the ones who seek me out and give me the biggest smiles and hugs throughout the week. I'm the one learning.

Our food is mostly amazing. I'm not a fan of ugali, don't think I'm ever gonna like it. It's worse than eating play doh. I like the greens and the beans and rice. I love all that stuff. But when that giant bowl of glob comes out, a little tiny part of me wilts.
My team does dinner on our own. One of my amazing teammates cooks us dinner, and she does an amazing job. Once a week, on Saturdays, we venture out into town and grocery shop. We have to catch public transportation, endure the super sad street kids asking us for bread (heartbreaking), and the creepy men grabbing at our arms (I go on mama bear mode, telling them not to touch my girls!). We hunt for good veggies and buy lots of avocados. Avocados get the prize for my favorite food this month. Yesterday, I carried a huge bag of groceries on my head, like a legit African woman. I couldn't balance it, but I helped with my arms. It felt awesome.

God is teaching me to let go. He's teaching me that I don't have to consider every option. He knows what's good for me and He's gonna put it right in front of me. I like to be reasonable and controlling. For example: grad school. Picking out a seminary has been rough on me. There are several with my major. If I tried to look them all up with Kenyan internet, I would go nuts. I would seriously go banana sandwich, and my team would feedback me about it all month. God has made it clear to me that I don't need to lose my marbles researching every school catalog and every application requirement. I have so much peace about this decision already :)

God is teaching me how to draw thick lines. God is changing my patterns and my personality. He's changing my habits, my food preferences, my quirks, my annoyances, and my favorite things. Even the people I once thought were "attractive" or "my type" are so not attractive anymore haha. God is showing me what is good in His eyes, and I'm amazed by the goodness of the Lord. He's pushing me to be stubborn about the right things, and let go of the others. It's scary. I fear I will disappoint a lot of people when I get home, because I'm no longer the person that left. My comfort is that God is pleased with this new me, and that person is a little tiny bit more like Jesus than the old me.

I figured out, after much soul-searching, that I wanted to do something grand and good, because I felt so bad about the downward turns my life had taken. God taught me that I don't have to earn anything. That I'm simply forgiven, and that my healing is slow, steady, and certain. To live constantly surrendered and dependent on God is now the goal. It's not a scale system, where my good has to outweigh the bad. The debt is paid. I'm free. :) Big stuff. Some is cliche, but you'd be surprised at the elementary stuff that's hard to sink in.

Okay, it's 9:20 pm in Kitale, Kenya, and I'm super sleepy.

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy..." Philippians 1:3-4

Upendo,
Helena

The Great Big Old Testament Blog

I started my “reading through the Bible chronologically” journey before I even realized I was doing it.

I had read Genesis, Job, and then I felt led to read Acts.

After Acts, I asked God “now what?”

And I found myself trying to pick “one part” of the Bible to focus on.

Nothing stood out.

New Testament is smooth. I made a list of all the books I’d read “recently” as in the last 2 or so months.

Genesis, Job, Acts, Romans, Ephesians, 1 & 2 Peter, Philippians, Galatians, Colossians, James, Ruth.

Lord, where to?

I started looking into “Read the Bible in a year” plans, and there were a whole bunch of them. They would have me hip hoppin’, hop-scotchin’ around, little bit of this, a little bit of that, some old, some new testament. I got dizzy just looking at the reading plans and charts. I like multi-tasking, but this was too cray cray.

Daddy, this is overwhelming!

So, I decided to read the Bible the same way I approach my favorite tv shows.

I watch the pilot episode, and watch every single episode in order, marathon style, that way I don’t miss a beat.

So on January 27^th, I plunged into Exodus (remember I’d just read Genesis and Job).

God started revealing to me things that applied to my current struggles.

((this is a good time to grab your Bible, because I'm about to drop some references, son! Or daughter!))

In El Salvador, I was hesitant about always translating sermons, not to mention preaching in Spanish.

God, this is your message! What if I mess it up? What if I don’t know the words and they don’t understand?

“Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Ex 4:12

In Honduras, I read Leviticus.

God showed me how sin is costly and gross. Right when I was struggling with obedience, God put me in a book that’s full of reminders of the rewards of obedience.

Still in Honduras, I read Numbers.

In Numbers, I learned that God doesn’t like it when I complain. God doesn’t like it when I question His plan for me, or long for my alternative plans, which were obviously not as good!

I also learned that when God says “go,” He doesn’t want me to hesitate. He doesn’t want me to chicken out.  He taught me through the “hesitation generation” in the desert. His warriors listen to His voice and boldly follow His commands.

In Nicaragua, I read Deuteronomy.

God began my broken season by showing me I’m still in this desert, being humbled. He is definitely purifying me. He is definitely refining me. God wants to make my joy complete. He makes promises because He keeps promises. He is a GREAT and AWESOME God, and He is among us.

I am a treasured possession of God, and I am to rejoice in all the good things the Lord, my God, has given me.  He has set before me blessings for obedience and curses for disobedience.

God is restoring me. He’s restoring my fortunes. Not my monetary fortunes, but my status as a chosen daughter of God. My treasures. All that I had lost while I was disobedient. God is still healing me.

Still in Nicaragua, I read Joshua.

Ya know what I learned in Joshua? That God is so boss. “Not one of all the Lord’s good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.” 21:45 Victory is mine if God is with me.

Still in Nicaragua, I read Judges, Ruth, and started 1 Samuel.

In Judges, I learned that riddles are usually a bad idea. I had a blast in Judges. It is so random and violent, like a Quentin Tarantino movie, except there were no f bombs.

In Ruth, I learned that faithfulness is rewarded. God uses each one of us to answer prayers, and that I can be God’s provision to another person. I also got a picture of what my ministry will look like after the Race (but that wasn’t until I got to Cambodia… long story!).

In 1 Samuel, I learned that it’s okay for me to be a crazy coconut, because David was. God sets up unlikely scenarios for His glory, and to train me to trust Him.

In Thailand, I finished 1 Samuel, and began the ‘a little bit of this, a little bit of that’ chronological scramble between Psalms, 1 Chronicles, and 2 Samuel.

In 2 Samuel, I learned that sometimes you do shoot the messenger. I learned that it’s where the phrase “how the mighty have fallen!” comes from! David wins a lot, duh, and he had a mess load of wives. In the scramble with Psalms and 1 Chronicles, I learned that God delights in bravery. He grants success. Mocking can have very serious consequences. 2 Samuel 10:4 is one of the funniest forms of punishment I’ve ever read about. I learned that only God can give me an undivided heart, a brand new heart. Hoping in God is the most certain thing I can do, because He never fails.

I learned that sometimes there are hurdles in the way of a certain promise. God takes those hurdles out Himself, and He teaches me patience and trust in the process.

I plugged myself into scripture at times, because it felt right. Here’s 2 Chronicles 1:1.

“Helena, daughter of the LORD, established herself firmly in her journey, for the LORD her God was with her and made her exceedingly great.”

The best way to start anything is by asking God for wisdom, and my heart’s desire for wisdom pleases God.  I had my first crush on a Biblical character, Solomon. Then I found out he had a jillion wives. Typical.

I struggled the most in Thailand. I loved the place, the food, the smoothies, the cat shirts, and the freedom to roam about. I was inwardly struggling with my past and confronting my biggest fears of insufficiency. I ended up going wedding dress shopping with my dear friend Becki, and she purchased a beautiful gown. My emotions warred within me, from ultimate happiness for my friend, to grief from my past, to fear for my future. I got home that night and located the nearest “alone” place to cry. That night, my friend Caitlin went for a walk with me and we sat on a curb by 7-11, as I cried and verbally processed my fears. It was the biggest, most tangible breakthrough I’d had in months. The powerful Word of God was leading me through this process.

In Cambodia, I plunged into Song of Songs, Proverbs, 2 Chronicles, 1 Kings, Ecclesiastes, Obadiah, Jonah, 2 Kings, Isaiah, Amos, Micah, and Hosea (yes, I read a lot that month).

Here are some Proverbs nuggets I picked up this time around:

Wisdom was with God before He made the world. Wisdom makes me patient. God says He’s the only one who really knows what’s going on, and without Him we’re all lost. God hates drama. He’s given our tongues the power of life and death (prov 18:21). Humility comes before honor.

In 1 Kings, I learned about my heart and God’s faithfulness. Only God can turn my heart to Him, and enable me to walk in His ways. It’s not my effort, it’s my surrender. My heart must be fully committed/surrendered to the Lord.

Ecclesiastes- What is worthwhile to do? Only God can give wisdom, knowledge, and happiness. Pleasures, accomplishments, and work are not lasting investments. Sometimes I just can’t understand everything, and that’s okay. Enjoy every moment of life as the blessing it is.

Reading about the kings and the prophets really wrecked me. Toss out the window everything I thought I knew about God. He speaks audibly, He passes through, He shows off, He makes the prophets do the craziest things. It’s different than the Sunday school lessons I’d heard. I never heard of Isaiah going nude for 3 years. That would have made a fantastic Sunday school lesson. I didn’t know about Elisha being “jeered by youths” for his baldness, and then 2 bears coming out and mauling 42 youths. Again, hello, that would have made a fun coloring page. Sometimes the Bible is as gory as the movie 300, for example 2 Chronicles 25:12. These aren’t things we talk about much. The Bible isn’t rated G for everyone. Sometimes it’s very disturbing and really bloody. Some things have gone way over my head, but what I learned is that God is real, tangible, and faithful. The forgiveness and reclaiming of the remnant was an epic move on God’s part. These people were so unfaithful, yet God was always faithful. We are so unfaithful, yet God is always faithful. He said “with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation” (Isaiah 12:3) and He was right. He's always right.

In Cambodia, Daddy taught me that I’m innocent. It was exactly what I needed to hear after turbulent Thailand. The day for building my walls will come, because my Daddy delights to show mercy. It’s a humble, exciting place to be when I can say “all that I have accomplished You have done for me” :] giving the glory to the Lord for every victory.

I learned that sometimes when people didn’t worship the Lord, He sent lions.  I’m always on my toes haha.

I literally cheered whenever one of the kings was faithful to the Lord. It was rare.

The Bible is stock-full of disgusting moments, such as Isaiah 30:22, 34:3, 34:6, 36:12, 49:26. 
Oh and we can’t forget the epic angel of the Lord taking out 185,000 Assyrians in Isaiah 37:36.

I learned more about who I am, and how beloved I am. I am sought after and the Lord delights in me. I’ve been chosen, called, and honored.

In Malaysia, I finished Isaiah, 2 Kings, and 2 Chronicles, read Nahum, Zephaniah, Jeremiah (rocked my world), Habbakkuk, Lamentations, and started Ezekiel.

My Nahum notes were interesting and short… here they are: “God is good, slow to anger, caring to those who trust in Him, but dang… He’ll rip you a new one, any day. He doesn’t mess around.”

The Lord has a sense of humor, and I love it so much. For example: “I am against you,” declares the Lord Almighty. “I will lift your skirts over your face. I will show the nations your nakedness and the kingdoms your shame. I will pelt you with filth, I will treat you with contempt and make you a spectacle.” Nahum 3:5-6… did the Lord just say that? He’s gonna expose them? And pelt them with poop? Nice.

Zephaniah was short and sweet, just learned that there’s a happy ending for the remnant. Felt nice to read that after all the punishment reading.

Jeremiah rocked my world. My notes were crazy, full of doodles. If you ever want to have hours of conversation with me, we can talk about Jeremiah. It was during this read of Jeremiah that God confirmed a lot of my calling. For now, here’s this:

But if I say, “I will not mention him or speak anymore in his name,” his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.- Jer 20:9

The Lord has given me singleness of heart and action.

Habbakkuk – praising God for the things that are yet to come, because He is faithful and will do them.

Lamentations is well-titled and self-explanatory.

Ezekiel was epic and intimidating. I would rate Ezekiel as #2 on my “most intimidating Bible books to tackle” right under Revelation. It wasn’t so bad going in order! God did some really crazy stuff through Ezekiel. He’d just be sitting there, hanging out with some old folks, and then out of nowhere comes the hand of the Lord, and grabs him, takes him places, shows him crazy creatures, no big deal. God taught me a huge lesson: He can do whatever He wants to. It doesn’t have to be fair. I don’t have to understand it. God told Ezekiel that He was taking away his wife, the object of his affection. Then God told Ezekiel not to shed any tears. Ezekiel lost his wife, and didn’t shed any tears. I had to do a heart check. How would I feel about God if He said “Hey Helena, I’m gonna take away your husband and don’t cry!” Uh oh. I had to really think things through and plug myself into that scenario. After much soul-searching, I wouldn’t be angry with the Lord, but I don’t think I could get by without crying my face off. 

Malaysia was a rough month for me. Best way to put it is to say that my fruits of the Spirit were tested. On the flipside, God gave me a new spiritual gift that month! Hurray for becoming even weirder haha.

Now in Rwanda, I finished Ezekiel, read Joel, Daniel, Ezra, Haggai, Zechariah, Esther, Nehemiah, and last but not least, Malachi.

My notes were full of doodles and as I wrapped up Ezekiel (so much to doodle, so many funny goats!). God’s been pouring out blessing on top of blessing over me. I’ve fallen in love with Africa. My love language is physical touch, so you can only imagine what a happy camper I am, getting 40+ hugs from these sweet children every single day.

The last books… I’m still processing. God took an orphan and turned her into a queen. He took a widow and turned her into a mother. He took a cupbearer and turned him into a governor. He took a slave and turned him into a powerful official. God is the Redeemer and Restorer and Rebuilder and Replanter. He turns hopelessness into glory. I learned so much in these 24 weeks. I highly encourage anybody who has never read the Old Testament chronologically to do it! Take careful notes and watch how God will carefully lead you to a better understanding of who He is and who you are in Him.

Onward to the New Testament, whoop whoop!

If you read all of this, you get a virtual high-five. Just hold out your hand and then I guess just put it back down. Proud of you. 

Eskimo kisses,

Helena