Certain Victory

I'm watched the movie Secretariat tonight... the funny thing is... it's the most predictable movie EVER! I mean, you know the horse is gonna win all 3 races in the end, otherwise there wouldn't have been a movie made, right?! But even through the movie, with the problems that arise in the plot, you start to question and worry for the horse! Your heart beats faster, you get all clammy about it, heck... you forget, in the middle of it, that it's a certain victory!!!


I was right there, in the middle of my waiting for acceptance for my race :) I got all clammy, fidgeting all crazy, making pirate sounds, and feeling discouraged that perhaps I wasn't really worthy of this calling. I forgot the One who put the idea in my head in the first place! The One who is in charge of everything! The One who always always makes me wait juuuust a little longer, til I'm at breaking point and at my wit's end. I went from praying childish prayers to the prayer equivalent of kicking and screaming. I threw a mental tantrum, clenching my tiny little fists, crying out incoherent words, and thrashing... picture a kid at the grocery store checkout line... that was the tone of my prayer this afternoon. Not sure exactly if that's how God meant for me to be like a child, but I definitely was so helpless and miserable, completely out of mental composure (no kicking or screaming at work... all everyone saw was smiling Helena... maybe a furrowed brow here and there). I was officially out of patience.


I finally came to a point where I knew He knew when I would get my answer.
I was tired, and as I sat there, eating my lunch, my phone lights up. And it's a wonderful area code. My answer! At last! And I was accepted :)


I look back and think "wow I could have been more graceful about it... ahem. sorry, Lord" but at the same time, I am so happy that my reaction when I was completely helpless was a helpless prayer. It was a plea for patience and mercy. It was a clear declaration that only only my God could help me, and I begged. I begged and screamed and begged some more for my Father in heaven to answer me, and maybe be annoyed enough that He'd want to silence my prayer shrieking. I think it backfired though, because my prayer shrieking only got LOUDER when I got accepted :) THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUU, FATHER!! You are wonderful, and kind, and You believe in me, and You give me purpose and You see me not as someone who's made a bunch of mistakes, but as someone redeemed, with a purpose. Someone with a future. Someone who You want to send to talk about You and serve in Your name. Someone who will spend forever praising You until I run out of breath, and then into eternity.


I got my answered prayer today. Yet another confirmation that God has me on a path to missions. That the reason my heart gets so full and my eyes overflow when I think about it is because He has planned it. The beauty of God's plans is that they always stand. They never fail. He never fails. He always wins. As long as I'm fighting for Him, and I'm in the path seeking Him, He directs me to certain victory. My definition of certain victory isn't getting what I want, when I want it... it's doing what He wants, when He wants it.


I submit my life. Not just for 11 months (January through November 2012) and not just to go to 11 countries (El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua, Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, Tanzania, Rwanda, Uganda, Nepal, and India). 

I submit every day I have
to follow Jesus
wherever He leads :)