HOW TO ELEVATE ELEVATOR AWKWARDNESS

I am nodding fiercely. This post has been brewing, boiling within me and it's finally here.
Enjoy the complimentary elevator music whilst you read, courtesy of authentic Brazilian jazz.

Ladies and Non-ladies,
I present to you a masterpiece. Thorough research conducted by me (I'm a scientist, I can do that) has led me to the threshold of awkwardness and personal discomfort.


WHY? WHY BE WEIRD IN AN ELEVATOR?
Elevators are ALWAYS weird. Gandhi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world"... I say "Be the awkwardness you wish to see in the elevator."

DON'T WAIT FOR IT
You don't have to wait until you're inside the elevator. Turn the awkwardness on before you're ever inside it.

Go for the same button, at the same time, but hang back a little, so they go for it and then you really go for it, like you're competing.

 - If you win... congratulations. You should say something along the lines of "yeah I always have to push the button." or "oh you'll get it next time"
- If you lose, you gotta congratulate your opponent. "Wow. I've never not pushed the button before, I guess congratulations" and look really shocked. Then ask what floor they're going to and if you can push their floor button for them once inside the elevator. Say "it's only fair."

Button Bonus - if you're in a middle floor, push the up and the down. Double winning.

One elevator - STARE STRAIGHT AT THE DOORS!!!!

Multiple elevators - Stare at every elevator door, in paranoia, and ask them "WHICH ONE IS IT GONNA BE? WHICH ONE?"

Ask people if they're lost while they're waiting for an elevator. That NEVER gets old.

IT'S HERE!!
This is when you really gotta move quickly.

STAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOORS. Your nose should practically be touching the doors. It'll not only be super awkward for the people you're waiting with, it'll also make for a really weird moment for the people trying to exit.

YOU'RE IN
Okay there are a lot of avenues you can take here. Consider these options.

Pushing every button is overdone, but that's up to you (or down to you). You can say that it minimizes the risk of getting stuck between floors. You can say your aunt had a baby in an elevator when it was stuck. Then ask if anybody in the elevator is pregnant.

Be Nicolas Cage. You guard the doors and you guard the buttons, as if it was a national emergency. "Everybody stay calm, have no fear, I am here. What floor do you need? I will get you there as safely as possible"  And really really overdo it when you're guarding the door open while people are exiting. Stand in front of the doors, and hug them. Say things like "you're safe now! Go go go!"


Be the fickle floor person. Ask someone to push a button, but then go "ahhh wait that's not it. Um let me think" and milk it for all it's worth. Then be fickle getting out of the elevator!  Get out then go "oh no no that's not the right floor, I'm sorry!" and run back into the elevator. Everybody's done it before, but not on purpose :) Repeat as needed.

Sharing is caring. Share a lot of personal details with the complete strangers in your elevator. Talk about relationships, or your morning routine. Ask for advice, as quickly as possible. Great way to max out the awkward factor.

Now, for inspiration, here are some funny awkward elevator pictures! Enjoy!