Tightrope

"a time to be silent and a time to speak" Ecc 3:7b

I'm learning to balance my words. Truthfully, the best thing I've ever done was open up when I was falling apart. Like open-heart surgery, I was all busted open. You could see me being rebuilt. Good days: more work got done. Bad days: construction was delayed. The last thing I wanted to do was share the grueling pain I was going through, but it was God-glorifying. How do I know? People came to Christ because of it. I got to baptize my friend because of it. A muslim asked me to tell her about Jesus. A friend joined a church and told me I made him reconsider fellowship despite past church wounds.  That's just a drop in the bucket of examples. Jesus' name was proclaimed. Healer. Comforter. Hope. Joy. He got all the credit for the simple fact I was still holding together. 

Good things coming from bad things. Glory. Fruit.
The easy thing to do would have been to withdraw, to go straight home from work, skip social activities, and take lots and lots of naps. I fought really hard though! It broke my pride to be visibly weak. I thank God for that, because I learned a huge lesson in humility.


Little miss sunshine, who used to cry at every Bible study, now encourages. I help to build. I proclaim the power of God and His presence. I tell my war stories in animated ways, and the girls I mentor light up and giggle. "Eat your vegetables!" "Wait for your limo!" "Don't settle for McDonald's when you can have gourmet!" hahaha they call them Helena-isms. 

All I did was open up. Open book. My story revealed. But my Daddy in Heaven is transitioning me to a brand new season. 10-10 is over! 11-11 is here. [[Ask me someday to tell you about 4-4, 5-5, 6-6, 7-7, 8-8, 9-9... big chapters of my life, all marked. It took me all the way to 9-9 to see it too, haha! You'd think I'd notice a pattern...]] New beginnings. My surgery is done. My guts are back inside, and it's time that I hold still and wait patiently. 11-11, a season of harvest and patience. 12-12 is when I get back (gotta shake my head, it's a little bit creepy... and awesome). No idea what 12-12 is gonna hold for me, but here I am, at 11-11. 


I'm walking a tightrope of discernment: what to say, what to hold back. 
Pray for boldness to speak when I need to, and for the bold trust to be silent. Pray that my words are encouragement, and that I use my voice to make others heard. To raise up the silent ones into boldness. To hear voices that have been quiet for way too long. Instilling confidence. Empowering. Pray I become a much better listener. Pray I hear the voice of God!



Like a hardy water lily at night, I'm closing up.

If you've never seen a water lily garden at night, you need to.
Some are open at night, but the closed ones make you think.
They hold within them the most beautiful blooms, yet they reserve them only for the light.

That's a lesson to learn.